As long as the Wrong feels Right
by The Lighthouse
Summary: Treats the events surrounding the CxDxG triangle in TDWT. / Part IX: And just like that, with no planning or intention, came to be the first time the two exes saw each other since the events that had led them to became exes.
1. Part I: Prologue

Because I would not get over how the TDWT tried to kill DxC until I wrote about it.

Before anything else I wanna state that as for me, I will always support DxC.

I mean- Just because they're not _together_ anymore it doesn't mean they don't have _feelings_ for each other anymore, and I can't stress that enough. DxC isn't dead yet, not by a long shot; and I'll always defend that.

That doesn't mean I'm not angry with cannon- I _am_. From now on, I reserve the right to hold **only** TDI as cannon. TDA and TDWT no longer exist to me. ¬¬

Anyhow; the story. The quotes I used are either forseeing or purposefully aclimatic. In some parts, however, it may or may not be the song Courtney's singing.

* * *

**Part I**

_

* * *

_

_He who angers you, controls you._

_-Elizabeth Kenny_

A gust of wind blew by and Courtney wrapped her arms around herself, trying to steal more heat from her thin school jumper. It hadn't been this cold this morning when she had first gone out. She would just have to ask her boyfriend for his jacket when he got back.

She looked ahead to the primary school building across the street, waiting for him to emerge from the door. Very few people were out that day in that part of town, and the few that did walked past her in a hurry. The sun was beginning to set, and she could hear upbeat music playing from some house nearby already.

Now that it was dusk, Courtney was careful not to stand in a corner, lest she be mistaken for something she wasn't; she wasn't wearing anything remotely revealing or enticing, but it wasn't like the drunk old men that were starting to come out stopped to think about that.

She suddenly heard slow, confident steps tread behind her, and stop a few inches from where she was standing.

"How much the night?" A voice asked, as the smell of cigarette reached her nostrils.

Courtney frowned at the taunt, but didn't turn around. She didn't take the statement seriously simply because this wasn't the slurred voice of some drunk old man, it belonged to an awake-sounding young man, the question poised with measured mockery**.**

Besides, she knew exactly who it was.

She turned her head around, registered the face of the boy behind her, and turned back ahead with a scowl. _Well, she hadn't seen __**him**__ in quite a while._

"Long time no see, Princess" he said casually, drawing the cigarrette to his lips and taking a puff.

"Not enough, if you ask _me_," she replied haughtily. It was easy to be unpleasant when he called her by that name she had never actually liked, and when he looked so… vulgar behind her.

He was wearing a shabby black hoodie with some logo on the front and the hood pulled over his head, covering his short black hair and hiding half of his face. His goatee was almost lost in his five o'clock shadow, and his tattered red converse looked like they could have easily been the same ones he wore on the show.

Courtney unconciously leaned away from him, keeping her eyes on her boyfriend across the street. She could see him through a window, but he hadn't realized he could see her. He had gone to pick up his little sister's report card, and Courtney had said she would wait for him outside. She didn't know she would run into Duncan, or rather, that he would run into her, and call her attention.

"Is that him?" said punk suddenly asked, having followed her gaze. "Your new guy?" He had heard rumors that she had a new boyfriend, but had never met him. As he asked her, a bit of strain showed on his voice, that he didn't bother covering up. All exes' rules dictated you should appear to be over your ex, but he never did care for rules, not even the ones that were meant to protect his heart.

"Yeah," Courtney replied, a defensive undertone to her voice. "Favián." She didn't like the way Duncan was looking at him, as if judging him. She didn't like being here with him, and the fact that her boyfriend could turn his head any minute and see him there with her. She just wanted him to _go away_.

Duncan took a puff of his cigarette, ever so relaxed, and spoke again, "Rumors say he's a bit, _impulsive_," he said meaningfully, and he knew she knew what he meant. He saw her furtively tug down the previously rolled up sleeves of her jumper to cover her forearms.

"Where'd you hear that?" she asked snappily.

Duncan looked at the brunette's back. Courtney, with her clean white and navy jumper and pale green dress shorts, stood out against the dirty streets and the rundown buildings. Her hair, straight and shiny like it always was, was up neatly in a half-up, half-down hairdo.

She was the image of cleanness, and yet, Duncan could still see (or maybe just remember) the mischief in her ebony eyes, the promise of the fire that could light up in a second whenever provoked.

Then he turned his gaze ahead on her guy, waiting in an office. Alert and vigilant, whipping around his head whenever someone walked past him. Standing, not sitting, because he looked like he couldn't stay still for a whole minute. All signs of a violent guy; not exactly tell-tale, but good enough hints.

He knew Courtney could feel he was observing him; and she was right, he was. Finally he emitted a non-comittal, "Around." And went on, "Haven't you ever had him on a jealous fit? Ever gone out with your friends and come back to find him drunk and angry and wanting to take out his frustration out on _something_?" He asked, his voice now reduced to a whisper, due to the fact that they were still out on the streets.

She automatically snickered and shook her head, because that wasn't _at all_ the way it happened. "That's bull."

"It's what people's saying," he insisted.

"People should mind their own business," she said.

"Is it true or not?" he demanded, even though it was obvious he was right.

Courtney paused for a second. Then she turned back.

Their eyes locked, and the previously mentioned fire was present in her eyes, rekindling, if only for the time being, the old and buried hate his form inspired in her. Finally she passed right over his question and bluntly stated:

"I'd choose him over _you_, a million times."

And then she turned back ahead.

Duncan followed her gaze and didn't say anything. He easily believed her. She was that proud, and she hated him that much.

She could easily take a guy who constantly put her down and humilliated her in the privacy of their homes and not sweat it, but being weak in front of Duncan was out of the question. The guy with the green mo-hawk was her sworn enemy; her polar opposite and yet, the one she always meassured herself against; the perfect antithesis of her that somehow made for her perfect punching bag. Favián was just… a temporal jerk in her life.

Even when they had been dating, Duncan was always her enemy first. Even in their finest moments, there was always something that turned the tables and reminded them of their true nature. They gravitated around each other like two magnets. They came in contact, crashed, repelled each other, and lived in tense detachment until one decided to bug the other, and it was the same cycle all over again.

It had been… _unique_, but… tiring. And they were doomed to a violent ending.

Duncan shifted in his place. Courtney had once told him he meant nothing in her life anymore, but that couldn't be true. He still played an fairly important part in her world as the person she hated the most of all.

Given their twisted history, it should come as no surprise to him that the thought made him smirk.

* * *

I'll update Part II as soon as I can.

_ ~The Lighthouse_


	2. Part II: Inheritance

OhmyGod, I can't believe the producer people announced that Courtney was oficcially Hispanic! Yaay! I'm gonna have _soooo_ much fun with this concept… just you wait.

**To everyone who reviewed: Thank you so soooo much! ^^**

**BelleDanseuse:** DxC simply has a _something_ that DxG will never have. Glad you agree with me ;)

**CarmillaD:** ¿Querés creer que ni vi el final? Solamente vi hasta donde elimina a Courtney, y pasando los episodios rápido; hasta tal punto me enojé con el programa ¬¬ hace rato me viene cansando, ahora tiré la toalla. Algún día lo voy a retomar. Gracias por tus comentarios :) traté de introducir temas oscuro para crear un ambiente de tensión, y sueños rotos (como los nustros T_T), por lo menos esa era la idea jajaja.

* * *

**Part II**

* * *

_History does not repeat itself. The historians repeat one another. __  
-__Max Beerbohm_

Duncan was sure the problems between him and Courtney had given themselves subtly along the way, without either of them noticing the change. But if he were asked to pinpoint where it all had started, he knew exactly what he would say.

The night he had met Courtney's father.

He remembered well the first day he had gone to her house. Even though her father wasn't there that day, he was still considerably nervous about enduring the trial of her mother, the woman Courtney talked about and looked up to so much.

So he had traded his normal tight black skull shirt for a simple white tee and a light green open shirt over it, but Courtney hadn't thought anything was up until she noticed how strangely quiet he was. Then she started to point out that his usual dog collar was missing, along with about half of his piercings. After she finally realized he was nervous, she had spent the rest of the bus ride and mile-long walk to her house looking at him like it was the cutest thing she had ever seen.

He was too distracted to understand why she was surprised at his attitude. She had probably expected him to act like the regular disrespectful punk he was in front of… well everyone.

Courtney was kind enough not to point out that it didn't matter how well he groomed up, because her parents had already seen him on the show and they knew his true nature –and he knew she had thought it.

But still, fixing himself up made him feel a little better.

And the thing was, Duncan was a complete noobie at seeking approval from someone. He had no idea how to act to make a good first impression. He was in uncharted territory when it came to universally known courtesy and conversation rules.

When they finally reached her house, a tan woman in a white dress opened the door, smiling a smile that Duncan didn't trust. It looked as if she had smiled before seeing who she was opening to, and then kept smiling to give him a false sense of security.

Mrs. Phan, or Sofía as she had insisted Duncan called her, was a woman in her early thirties, who wore summer dresses in the house with almost religious rigor, and kept her long black mane of hair straight on the same manner, much like Courtney did with her own brown hair. While Courtney was an almost perfect mix of her half Hispanic, half Asian heritage, her mother was the true image of her pure Panamanian blood. Her eyes were bigger and not as slanted as her daughters's, her lips were fuller and her skin was a bit darker.

Mrs. Phan worked hard to mantain a perfect housewife front, and she seemed to have two faces within herself. One she presented to the inside of the house, to her children, and the other she presented to the outside world.

The first one was severe and take-charge, which was evident in her way of directing the younger children (not so much with Courtney, who had clearly outgrown her range of control); it was obvious she was the main authority in the house. But with Duncan she was all smiles, jokes and carefully practiced pleasantness.

She walked with her head held high and directed herself with meassured words, and it was clear to see she was the one Courtney had taken her sense of pride and duty after, though the decorum was more evident in her daughter.

With Duncan she was all smiles, jokes and carefully practiced pleasantness. She acted bashful and weak, obeying typical housewife behaviour, but it was clear she was the one who managed the household.

Courtney had three sisters: Justine, who was nineteen and currently spending the weekend at home frrom college, Elizabeth who was ten, and baby Rachel. She also had a brother called Jonah, who was inadvertently giving Duncan the laugh of his life.

He was a sturdy six-year-old who walked his imposing shirtless form around the house, looking down his nose at everything like he was the owner. He was the young, male, spitting image of his mother, with his inky black curls and dark skin that, along with his deep, deign ebony eyes, could have easily made him pass for an indigenous prince. The first time he had met Duncan, he had given him a very proper hand shake, all the while looking at him with a distrustful gaze.

The afternoon had gone by well enough, with Courtney's sisters and mother coming in turns to chat with him.

The next time he visited, her father was there.

Bao Quy Phan, Panama-born third generation factory worker of Vietnamese descent, hadn't seemed to mind Duncan either. This came as a surprise for him, since he had expected _him_ to be the one not to approve of him. (By the way, seeking approval from two whole different individuals was extremely tiring. He didn't know how Courtney managed this lifestyle so effortlessly.)

But Mr. Phan had barely shaken his hand before going away to change out of his work clothes, then gone straight to the table to wait for dinner to be served. He had treated Duncan just like his wife had, as if he were just a friend of their daughter's staying for dinner rather than her boyfriend; but unlike with Sofía, Duncan hadn't seen the underhand study in the Dad's eyes. Actually, nothing showed in his face that told Duncan how he felt about him.

Mr. Phan wasn't like normal Asian people to Duncan. To begin with, he looked younger than he had expected. He had the slanted eyes and the slightly below average height; but his skin was tanned and wrinkled from a lifetime under the sun (not like the natural warm mocha color both Courtney and her mother displayed, but an out-of-place reddish color), and he was rather skinny, like he had gone through hunger earlier on in his life.

Going against the deign stance and strict gaze most Asians posessed, Mr. Phan sported a rather pitiful face. His eyebrows were constantly furrowed, and his eyes always widened when he looked at someone, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing; his scrawny frame was arched as if he was bowing his head in anticipation to a possible offense.

He acted as if family matters escaped him, and seeing this, Duncan finally relaxed. Before he knew it, it was dinner time.

Mrs. Phan and Courtney's sisters were in the kitchen getting the food ready, while the father, Jonah and Duncan were seated on the table, he next to Courtney who was tending to Rachel. He suspected that she had been given a tacit permission to stay not help in the kitchen because her boyfriend was there, and instead been given the lighter task of preparing the baby for dinner.

While the family mantained a macho facade, it was clearly the mother who controlled the house. It was obvious from the way she had very subtly (because Duncan was there, he suspected) asked her husband for his paycheck when he came back from work, and then asked him questions about his day in a way that it was obvious she wanted to have access to everything he had done and said.

It was also in the way Courtney hadn't seemed worried the moment she introduced him to her father. Duncan reflected all of this as Courtney's sisters chatted him up as they set the table –not that he wasn't paying attention. It's just that, whenever he did something that didn't absolutely require his full attention, his mind generally divided in two –or three- topics at a time.

Then dinner was ready, and everyone assembled at the table. Mrs. Phan with her flowery dress. Mr. Phan with his Pity Face at the head of the table. Justine with her asian features, goldish skin and boyish frame. Elizabeth, who looked a lot like Courtney, although her skin was a bit darker and she conserved her black hair. Prince Jonah next to Courtney next to Duncan and finally, Rachel in her mother's lap, since the family had no high chair.

Everything was well, until Mrs. Phan has a taste of the chicken salad she had prepared earlier. She took a bite, stopped, made a face, and paused as if thinking of something. "Honey," she said finally, snapping the attention of her husband, who was reading the paper.

"Yes?"

"Is this lettuce old?"

Mr. Phan looked up to his wife and paused. His eyes were vulnerable, as if he was afraid to have made a mistake. "No. I picked it up today," he replied catiously, as if questioning if that was what he was supossed to do.

His wife pursed her lips to one side, looking unconvinced. "Did you buy them from Marta's store?"

"Yes."

"Did you take them from the boxes at the back?"

"Yes. The ones from inside."

"Are you sure? Because the boxes at the front always have the bad harvest," she rebutted.

The man paused, doubting his memory. Duncan couldn't stop looking at him, even though in his section of the table another conversation was taking place. As he watched, a feeling of dread he couldn't quite place grew on his chest.

Mr. Phan's eyebrows were more furrowed than ever, and his eyes were wide. His wife's words weren't even rough, it was his reaction to then that shocked Duncan. He was actually gulping in fear at the prospect of having made a mistake.

"I _think_ I took the ones from inside," he finally said.

Mrs. Phan stared at him searchingly for a long while. Meanwhile, her husband withered in fear at her ctitical gaze. Finally, she sighed and shook her head, "I think you grabbed the bad ones," she decided, shaking her head in utmost dissapointment and clicking her tongue once.

Mr. Phan immediately turned his attention back to the paper as if to numb the incident, trying to ignore the situation and hide the fact that his wife's disapproval distressed him. Duncan himself gulped.

Sofía didn't stop there. Throughout dinner, she kept making snide remarks, undemining her husband, poking at his pride with a bright nonchalant smile.

With each blow, Mr. Phan dug his nose deeper in the paper. He stood quiet through every attack; first he would shift slightly, then turn bright red, and finally ignore the affront completely.

Normally, Duncan would be laughing at a so obviously whipped guy. But now, in this particular situation, he all but trembled. He couldn't laugh if he wanted to; his throat was tight.

When the air got exceptionally tense, Justine, the female image of her father, would roll her eyes in exasperation; eager-to-please Elizabeth tensed up opening her eyes up wide and glancing at Duncan, hoping he wouldn't notice the embarrassing scene her parents were setting up. Courtney acted like she didn't notice anything, but she must have been acting.

All this made Duncan think that he was witnessing a fairly normal scene in the family, which only added to his trepidation.

By the time of dessert, Mr. Phan was so crouched over his paper and so abandoned to silence like a resented child, that Sofía couldn't ignore him any longer; his miserable presence was bringing down the air at the table and she, like a good hostess, obviously noticed.

She first smiled sweetly at him, though he wasn't looking at her. Then she grabbed his hand from under the table. Mr. Phan looked up and he smiled back, and for the first time since Duncan knew him, his face seemed to be clear of all worries. He smiled at his wife in happiness, and she smiled back one of her condescending smiles.

By this time Duncan was tapping his fingers nervously on the seat of his chair, and finding it hard to breathe.

Not too little after, Mrs. Phan pointed out to her husband that she had done something different to her hair, and how come he hadn't told her anything about it. The man had turned red and muttered something Duncan hadn't quite caught about there being _guests_.

She had chuckled, making him turn even redder, and turned to the baby in her lap with complicity, "Your daddy _never_ pays me compliments."

And Duncan nearly choked on his drink.

Even after dinner was over and every other member of the family had gone off to their own thing, he was still replaying every scene in his head. He couldn't focus, even as Courtney beamed at how well things had turned out.

"…and you actually made Elizabeth laugh, that's a first," she commented as she attempted to slide in the armchair next to him. "And don't worry about Jonah. He's the same everytime one of us brings a boyfriend. I still remember when he met Justine's first boyfriend. Um, are you okay?"

Her question brought him back to the present. "Huh? Oh… yeah. Perfect," he told her with an unconvincing smile, as he circled her waist with his arms and pulled her in the chair.

She hadn't bought it, but had assumed he was just stressed; she knew it wasn't easy for him to behave decently in front of people for so long. She had let it slide.

And for hours, and even _days_ later, Duncan wasn't able to explain to a concerned Courtney why he seemed so distracted and distant.

Duncan had seen more than a a sucession of awkward family situations that night. He had seen his _future_.

* * *

That was the point where, as far as Duncan was concerned, all the bad had started. After getting over the initial shock of seeing himself fast-forwarded twenty years into the future, Duncan had promised to himself to stop the process of becoming like Mr. Phan before it was too late.

Duncan couldn't deny that with time, her sass which had attracted him so much to her in the past had started to annoy him more than anything else, and he had only the moments in which she was completely sweet and open with him to look forward to. In order to make the times where she lashed out at him shorter and more insignificant, he had begun to just _do_ what she asked him to.

…He was only thankful now that he had realized soon enough where that course of action could potentially lead to.

What he didn't know was that mere months later, he was in for the greatest fall of his life— in more than one way.

* * *

_She lacks the indefinable charm of weakness._

_-Oscar Wilde_

But when Duncan finally returned to Total Drama World Tour, he was a changed person.

That was explainable once you knew that while he was on the run, he had watched himself in Total Drama Action for the first time. Before he hadn't seen a point to it –he had _been_ there, and he didn't feel like reliving the horrible challenges Chris had put them through. But while he was hiding from the host and the authorities he had movilized, he had made a point of watching the show to see what was said about him. In doing so, he had caught some reruns of Total Drama Action.

It was then that he had seen it.

Himself, submitting to Courtney's will. Obeying her every whim. Looking constricted whenever he did something that bothered her, because he knew he was in for an earful. Keeping his mouth shut during her rants. _Fearing_ her.

Duncan was had watched the screen and not recognized himself. In his head, those scenes were completely different.

In his memory, he hadn't had that puny, resigned expression. He hadn't stuttered pathetically like that. And he certaintly didn't remember the infuriating looks of pity from the other castmates. The way he remembered it, he had just been too tired, both from the night skipped and of her ranting, to argue with her, especially knowing it would just escalate from there.

But in the screen, all he could see was Courtney's parents.

Duncan had thought he could stop the process of becoming like Mr. Phan. But after seeing that on the screen… that spineless, puny, weak boy on the screen… he realized it was already _done_.

That time at the park when she had caught him looking at another girl, and ranted loudly until she got him to apologize; and that other time at the market, when they were running errands and he wanted to pick up a snack that she immediately claimed was bad for him… and he had frowned and put it back on the rack—he thought he was just giving in to preserve the peace, but _every single person _looking on would see the scene for what it really was—

A whipped guy. A burned-out slave, a weakling in punk's clothing.

The embarrassment is what came first. Well, it seemed like when his friends had mocked him –endlessly, proddingly, obnoxiously- about the way he had acted, it hadn't been just for the heck of it, they had been trying to _warn_ him.

Next came was desperation. What he was never able to stand up to her again? What if he was doomed to stand there and take it while she all but pulled his ear?

And lastly came the rage. _Courtney_ had turned him into this. This… whipped idiot, this poor excuse of a man.

But all that was going to change. Duncan was done being her little puppet. He was going to _fight_ her. He was done following Mr. Suen's footsteps.

As Duncan set foot on the plane, he had one mission in mind: getting back the control of his life.

No matter _what_ it took.

* * *

He hadn't been back for fifteen minutes, and his girlfriend was _already_ on his case.

"How could you think it was _o-kay_ to just—_leave_ like that?" Courtney demanded heatedly, as Duncan looked away, trying to keep his frustration inside his form and not lash out. _Stop talking, stop talking, just goddamn stop __**talking**__._

"Because it was_ not_! _Ugh_!" she looked up to the sky as she ranted like there was no tomorrow. She then narrowed her black eyes at him. "Abandon me again, and it will _not_ be pretty!" She put her hands on her hips, while he just looked at her with deep resentment. _Oh, the things he would say to her, if he could just open his damn mouth_…

She did this in purpose, didn't she? She knew how much it riled him up that she ordered him around, and she did it just to see him frustrated, subjected and _helpless_. She wanted to be just like her _mommy dearest_ when she grew up. He couldn't for the life of him remember why he saw her sass and talk-back quality as attractive in the first place. Courtney ranted on about the importance of faithfullness and communication.

What communication? He wanted to smash her head against a _wall_.

"Now," he was surprised to see her suddenly smile sweetly, "get over here you big lug!" She closed in for a hug, and Duncan put her arms around her, because that was what she wanted.

The tender gesture took him off-guard— or it _would_ have, if Gwen hadn't walked in on them in that moment. Her expressionless eyes locked into the little love scene in front of her, and Duncan instantly smiled at her.

"I'm not really mad, I just… _missed_ you," Courtney said, still hugging him, and as she did, Duncan thought he saw a hint of depression in Gwen's eyes, as she looked at him as if saying, _why are you holding my gaze and making me watch __**this**__?_

Duncan supressed a smirk and, olympically passing over the small miracle of Courtney opening up to him like she just had, kept his eyes locked on Gwen's as he spoke,

"Every time I ran from the cops, I thought of you."

He saw the Goth's eyes winden and do a double take. He practically saw her heart jumping to her throat, when she realized he was looking straight at her. She turned and promptly walked away, made a bundle of nerves, and Duncan let his face relax into a satisfied smirk.

Pherhaps it was the excitement of a crime cleanly executed, or pherhaps it was the fact he felt he had found the perfect way to get back the control of his life… but he felt more alive than he had in a long time.

He wrapped his arms tighter around Courtney.

Yep. Payback was a bitch.

* * *

For weeks after, Duncan had the best time of his life juggling his girlfriend and his other girl on the same plane. He was getting a kick out of hurting Courtney without her knowing; laughing at her in his mind whenever she hugged him or kissed him, thinking he was all hers. _After everything_.

Gwen, meanwhile, was a bundle of nerves; she constantly looked like she would have a nervous breakdown any moment. People were starting to pick up on it.

And it wouldn't be long before they discovered the whole thing.

Duncan could see it all perfectly. He could see everything, from what was going through Gwen's head, to Courtney's reaction, to the outcome of all of this. He could still see things objectively because his mind wasn't fogged by love.

_As he swore it would never be again_.

* * *

If somewhere I slipped and wrote the name 'Suen'... I meant 'Phan.' I changed my mind about the last name along the way.

Anyway, this is my theory of what happened with Duncan that made him act like he did u.u

_ ~The Lighthouse_


	3. Part III: Giving

I'm back, yay! ^^

If you didn't see it in my profile, I was gone for a while because I was busy with the Students' Floats Parade in my town. Beautiful experience. I wanna do again next year :). PM me if anyone wants to see my class' float on Facebook… I feel like bragging xD

On other news, I have a brand new, long-awaited, Word built-in spell-checker! *u* I'm sooo happy! I no longer have to check with an online dictionary, plus the thing is even correcting words I was sure were okay! :o

Silver Apocalypse: Thanks for the Wow's xD

And, okay, my intention wasn't really to give Duncan an excuse for acting like he did. I worked so hard coming up with a good, plausible reason to explain his change… that I did exactly that xD. But hopefully this Courtney chapter will turn it around :)

Anyway, thanks for saying this is good enough to feel like it makes up for the scriptwriter's job ^^

BelleDanseuse: Thank you, glad you liked it ^^

Aah, Duncan and Courtney… polar opposites, and yet they have the potential to work in perfect balance… if they each would just cooperate ¬¬

CarmillaD: Como ves, no pude continuar pronto x_x pero por lo menos volví.

Me gustaría que ni intenten sacar el show a flote, que nomás lo dejaran como está xP o van a seguir metiendo la pata.

Gracias por tu evaluación de siempre, mi crítica más leal :3 y espero que te guste este capítulo.

* * *

**Part III**

* * *

_Looks Like_

_You've given up_

_You've had enough_

_But I want more_

_No I won't stop_

'_Cause I just know_

_That you'll come around_

…_Right?_

_-I Don't Believe You, P!nk_

Somewhere along the lines of her life, Courtney had a change of heart.

Once she was finally done with Total Drama Island and Action, she had been ready –and eager- to be thrown into the mind-boggling experience of fame. But things had turned out very differently from what she expected.

The fame that met her came in the form of foul comments of her in gossip talk shows, a long line of cruel hate mail letters, and a cloud of mean-spirited whispers whenever she entered a room.

It wasn't long until she came to the shocking realization –for her- that she was one of the most hated people on the show. And she was, to say the least, bewildered.

She had thought they hated Heather, who had played the part of the biggest bitch around since day one; or Gwen, for trying to steal Courtney's boyfriend- after all, everyone _had_ booed her at the Aftermath show, and with good reason, too. But, why _her_? What had _she_ done?

It was the most disappointing day of her life when she found out that the people who liked her only did because of her relationship with the show's bad boy (which was in itself, humiliating and degrading). The rest of them thought she was a bitch. It was all rather unsettling for her.

But rather than being pained at the fact that she was hated, Courtney was _shocked_ at the fact that she was not _loved_.

She had been so sure, _so sure_, since forever, that was destined to do great things. That she was a natural-born leader, and that once she got out to the outside world and became known, once she had shown the world her true character, everyone would love her, and look up to her. That once people saw her on action in a competition, they would be awed by her moral values and her set of priorities, and she would become another Gandhi, Winston Churchill, or Napoleon, another of the world's great leaders.

She had believed for so long that her anonymity was the only thing stopping her from being admired all around, and Total Drama Island had been her ticket to recognition. But she had only wound up with people criticizing her tactics, her competitive nature, her way of treating others. People she had never met were coming up saying that her way of seeing the world was twisted.

Courtney just didn't get it. She had done everything right… and everything had turned out wrong.

It was then that she started seeing her boyfriend in a new light.

Before, she had had no problem undermining and down-right abusing Duncan. After all, she was an intelligent, sociable woman, with tons of friends and a caring family, who could easily get any guy she wanted; only first she had to focus on forming the successful life that she also had assured.

But one of the things about growing up is the disenchantment of realizing that you have quite a lot less than you thought you did. Courtney thought she had the world at the palm of her hand. Now, she wasn't so sure.

Suddenly, she was facing people's critiques all around, and her so-called 'friends' weren't calling. Her caring family was subtly threatening her to break up with her boyfriend. The prospect of a successful future was now starting to quiver too, and anyhow, it didn't seem as filling as it used to.

And right in the moment Courtney had started to feel like she was alone in the world with the whole world on the other side, she had looked to her side, and there was Duncan.

Constant. Faithful. The only common aspect between the ups and downs of her life. Her rock. It was he who had taken a look at the malicious comments of her in the magazines and then at the paparazzi clogging and blocking the entrance of her house and said, '_Fuck them. Let's see what's on TV,_' and '_Don't mind them asses for one second, babe. People should stop criticizing celebrities and take a look in the mirror once in a while._'

It was he the boy she had undermined without reserves, whom she had forced to abide to a strict set of rules, under the illusion that he would stick around forever no matter what she did to him.

But Courtney was learning that good things in life didn't come that often, and she had to take care of what she had valuable.

From that moment on, she had begun treating Duncan as the precious being he truly was.

She had stopped secretly referring to him in her mind as just her temporal guy, her mistake to pass the time until Mr. Right came along; she had stopped fantasizing about her perfect guy in her mind, giving him a shape and a back-story, imagining the circumstances of their meeting and their life together.

Duncan was her _reality_. A rude punk boy with a criminal record and no table manners was her reality.

And she wouldn't want to have it any other way.

That was when her whole perception of life dramatically changed. Her list of priorities turned upside down: Duncan and human relationships came to occupy the top, and fame and success, which she now realized was the real passing happiness, had flown all the way down to the bottom.

Tamely, disinterestedly and without saying a world, Courtney gave herself to Duncan completely, in mind and soul.

Not too long after, she gave him her body too.

* * *

One morning, she was in her house painting the window lintel. Singing, as it was her custom as of late to match the lightheartedness of her new life. She didn't hear Duncan's usual lethargic steps come in through the kitchen door.

The boy stopped in the threshold, taking in her peaceful presence. He leaned against the door frame and smiled at her. She was wearing some shorts and an oversized grey shirt that sported a colorful pattern of different paint stains on the front. Her hair was pulled up in a high ponytail with some strands of soft brown hair loose around her neck. From where she was standing, the afternoon sun hit patches of her skin and made it look golden. And her angelic voice filled the spacious room.

"_Over the sea and far away, she's waiting like an iceberg, waiting to change. But she's cold inside._"

Duncan quietly approached her, his smile getting a mischievous undertone. She still hadn't noticed him when he stopped right behind her. He produced one foot and swiftly kicked forward a leg of the chair she was standing on. Her singing abruptly stopped and was replaced with a scream as she was sent back in a short fall that ended, of course, in his awaiting arms.

"You in a good mood sweetheart?" He asked her, referring to her singing.

When Courtney caught up with her new surroundings, she frowned at Duncan above her. "I _was_, before you came in" she snarled, roughly freeing herself from her boyfriend's arms and stepping back on solid ground. She heard him chuckle at her and turned on him, her face tinting red around her nose and cheeks. "You think this is _funny_? Whatever possessed you to pull that stunt?" she demanded, ticked off for reasons she didn't completely comprehend.

He put his hands in front of himself, trying to get serious but not completely losing the laughter in his voice. "Babe, I…-"

"_No_!" she snapped in a shrill voice. "That was a seriously _stupid_ thing to do! I could've been seriously _hurt_! What were you thinking?" she scolded, then pointed an accusing finger at him. "If you _ever_ do that again, I guarantee you it will _not_ be pretty," she finished heatedly, and then turned away from him, still livid as she tilted a bottle of turpentine over her paint-stained hands and began to scrub them together.

Duncan was silent, and Courtney suddenly feared that she had offended him with her harsh words. She looked up with worry, just in time to see him inches away from her, before he caught her lips in a kiss, making her instantly forget her worries as she closed her eyes and kissed back. _Of course he wasn't mad. He knew she wasn't serious. He wasn't mad at all._

"Okay, Drama queen," he said playfully when they separated. "Like you even doubt I was gonna catch you."

Despite herself, Courtney smiled. He knew her too well.

"Now get over here," he said, pulling her closer by her hips, and kissed her again.

Courtney closed her eyes and kissed back. She blindly searched for a plainsurface and set down the turpentine bottle. She then threw her arms around her boyfriend's shoulders and continued to kiss him, and the scene ended on a good note.

* * *

"How could you think it was o-_kay_ to just—_leave_ like that?"

Ten months later, they were in a pretty similar situation.

"Because it was_ not_! Ugh!" Courtney narrowed her eyes at Duncan. "Abandon me again and it will _not_ be pretty!" she warned him. Then, deciding to end the scolding, she smiled good-naturedly. "Now- get over here you big lug!" She said affectionately, and closed in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her, just as she expected him to.

She closed her eyes into his warmth and tenderly confessed, "I'm not really mad. I just… _missed_ you."

She felt the smile on his voice as it reached her ears, "Every time I ran from the cops, I thought of you."

His response just made her smile harder. She nuzzled her face in his collar, basking in the scent of him, feeling more at home than she ever had.

She stood there for a while, just embracing her boyfriend, the most constant and sure thing in her life.

* * *

Just a note to avoid confusion: This Courtney epiphany was before Duncan meeting his in-laws, and before his change. That's why he's so carefree and unsuspecting up there.

Not sure if I like all of this… You go.

_~The Lighthouse_


	4. IV: The Beginning of the WouldHaveBeen

**CarmillaD**: Es verdad, me había olvidado de eso. Pero el viejo director también fue el que hizo desastre en TDA, así que no cantemos victoria porque vuelvan ¬¬ (yo siempre tan positiva). He escuchado rumores de que DxC va a volver, en la quinta temporada o algo así? 0.o

Uuuy… nunca había hecho casi llorar a alguien xD voy progresando como artista xD la mitad lo hizo la canción, pero bueno… agarro lo que me llega xD

* * *

**Part IV**

* * *

_It's just simple kissing_

_No one has to ever know_

_What she doesn't know won't hurt her_

_As long as I don't let it show_

_-It Sucks, Skye Sweetnam_

What Gwen really felt like was like all these things were happening in her life without her control.

First it had been Courtney becoming friends with her. She found it strange, to say the least, the way the brunette had decided she didn't hate her anymore; she just knew that from a moment to another she had started being nice to her, asking for her opinion, including her in her life. She still found it unsettling whenever Courtney was friendly to her nowadays, but, to the Goth's surprise, she had found herself liking her too.

Then it had been Duncan coming back and deciding he liked her, as more than friends this time, and forcing her to cheat on her new friend too.

Lastly, it was herself. These days, she was jumpier than the time she had taken Cody's epipen. She was looking around the corners and over her shoulder, even when she wasn't doing something she was supposed to, and jumped whenever somebody said her name.

She knew it was just a matter of time until the rest of the contestants found out, and condemned her for yet another scandal that was only partly her fault. She knew the people in Playa de Losers must have already known; Leshawna must have been disappointed in her. Bridgette must have been furious, and taken Courtney's side through everything, and Geoff, her former friend, must have been using this to create more slander and get more ratings for that damned show of his. DJ must have been shaking his head.

Gwen knew she must have been causing havoc in their viewing audience, and that all that was left was for her to be eliminated so there could be a repeat of last season's Aftermath bloodbath.

She knew Chris must have known, because he knew everything that went on around there.

But the absolute worst was that _Courtney __**didn't**__ know_.

"Courtney?"

Gwen's voice came out strangled. She had just walked into first class, empty except for the brunette sitting to a table, holding her head in her hands, eyes closed in an expression of pain. Gwen felt her world fall to pieces. _She knew. She knew. Ohmygod, Ohmygod, she __**knew**_.

"Courtney?" she called again, even though all her senses were telling her she was digging her own grave.

_Great, she couldn't even control her own __**body**__ now_.

This time, Courtney looked up. "Oh, Gwen. Hi." She smiled, "I just have a major headache," she explained, pain shooting briefly through her features to illustrate her point, before her face lightened up again, shrugging off her affliction. "Come, sit down," she motioned to the seats in front of her. "Help me do this quiz."

Having gone from extreme fright to a wary relief, Gwen didn't quite register the last words spoken nor the magazine on the table, and could only produce a delayed, "…Oh."

Courtney looked at her and furrowed her brow. "Are you okay?"

Survival instincts kicking back in, Gwen snapped to action and started nodding profusely. "Yeah! Yeah, I just gotta go do… something now."

"Okay," Courtney nodded, and went back to reading her magazine while absent-mindedly massaging her temples.

Gwen couldn't help but stare at the girl. She looked so serene, tapping the end of a pencil against her lips, her biggest worry being a quiz in a magazine and a headache produced by several days on the plane. She was undeniably different this season; more likeable, freer, it seemed like her heart was a lighter place. She was singing more, and even thought it could have been just practice for the challenges… Gwen genuinely didn't think so. No, she thought Courtney sang because she was happy. And of course, all of this was making it harder to see the hypocritical, vicious girl that would justify her boyfriend wanting to cheat on her.

Gwen couldn't wrap her head around the fact that she hadn't noticed Duncan sneaking out behind her back. How could it be that she wasn't even suspecting? What had happened to the extremely jealous and possessive girl that had accused her of stealing her boyfriend last season, back when Duncan and her truly _were_ just friends?

Where was all that suspicion now that it would actually come in handy?

Courtney had looked up again and set down her magazine. "You _sure_ you're okay?" she asked, and before the other girl could answer, she went on with a catious tone, "You know if you have a… problem… you _can_ talk to me," she assured. "...if you want."

Her offer rang in Gwen's mind. In that moment, she wanted to take the opportunity she was granting her and ask her,

_Why are you friendly to me? Why do you suddenly trust Duncan so much? _Or just, _Why are you so different?_

If she had, Courtney might've tried to play it cool, denying the claims and saying she had _always_ been friendly, and _always_ trusted Duncan, defensive like it was expected for her and like it was her instinct to do. On the other hand, maybe she would have found it in her to open up to Gwen, like she was forcing herself to slowly learn to do, and say,

"_Yes, I am different. See, I'm trying to change myself... I'm trying to change because everybody hated me._"

At this last statement, Gwen would have tried to protest, but Courtney would have stopped her. "_I know people think I'm ruthless and careless. The public didn't let me ignore _that_ for very long,_" she would have said, with a straight face so it would be clear that she wasn't indulging in self-pity. "_That's why I'm trying to show them I'm really a good person._"

Enraptured by the confession, Gwen might have gone to sit next to Courtney at some point. Encouraged by this, the brunette would have continued:

"_The only person who loved me through all was Duncan,_" she said, smiling at a memory only she could see, as Gwen was automatically overcome by guilt. "_Because he knew the real me. Now I'm trying to show that person to everyone else._"

Hearing how she talked about Duncan, Gwen might have gotten a hold of what she was really doing, and she might have gotten the sense to stop it. To go to Duncan and break things off, then go to Courtney and tell her the truth, and get back the control of her life.

But things did not happen that way.

Gwen said, "I'm fine." And retreated towards the door.

Courtney nodded, knowing something was up but also that digging deeper would be intruding.

She went back to her magazine, and Gwen left.

* * *

_Boldness is a mask for fear, however great._

_-John Dryden_

A few days later, Gwen closed the door to the Confessional, the only place where she felt safe these days, and looked to both ends of the hallway. With her heart on her throat, she started making her way to the first class section, praying that she wouldn't find anyone on the way.

The last few days had been Hell for her, ever since what she'd been fearing had finally happened.

"_You know what you are? You are the new Heather!_"

The other contestants' harsh words rang in her ears.

Normally, Gwen could handle people saying mean things about her. She had to live with people talking behind her back all the time in her high school, and she had always gotten through it just fine.

The problem was when the things they said were true.

"_Did you forget how heartbroken you were when she kissed Trent?_"

Gwen peeked her head inside the room, and was relieved to find only Courtney herself in there, singing, as it was her custom as of late. Her pleasant voice and the fact that she was in a safe place immediately put Gwen at ease.

She approached the brunette, who appeared to be cleaning the windows with Kleenex. "What are you doing?" She asked her, raising an eyebrow.

"There were yucky dirt stains on the windows," Courtney explained, wrinkling her nose at the window, before turning to her with a smile, "It only makes sense we should take care of the place we _occupy_ so much, right?" She winked at her, and Gwen realized this was more of a statement than a service.

"I sure don't expect Chris to," she agreed.

"Exactly."

Gwen drifted to another section of the room and they stayed in silence for a while, until Courtney asked, "Hey do you know where Duncan is?"

Gwen managed not to jump at the question; she had been training herself for situations like these over the past few days. "Haven't seen him since last night," she replied easily, especially since the brunette currently had her back to her.

Then something occurred to her and she added, "Sorry if I kinda... _absorbed_ him last night," she apologized, as if she truly were just a good friend reporting to her friend what she'd been doing with her boyfriend who was only her best friend, and nothing more.

Courtney had already once confronted Gwen with suspicions of her wanting to steal Duncan, so it was best to play it safe. But the brunette looked at her with a sweet smile, and said, "It's okay," her way of saying everything was forgiven and that she trusted Gwen completely.

Gwen forced a smile in return. (It was getting easier.)

If she had been paying more attention to Courtney and hadn't been so caught up in her own worries, she might have noticed how the other girl's tone was just a little _too_ upbeat.

After a moment, Gwen spoke, "Um, I'm gonna look for him. Maybe he's off doing something illegal," she chuckled, careful not to sound too eager.

"Okay," Courtney accepted, smiling at her. When she turned her face back to the window, away from the Goth's sight, her smile promptly relaxed into an icy cold expression, that had nothing to do with the _yucky dirt stains on the window_.

"And, I'll tell him you're looking for him."

Courtney simply nodded.

Gwen was about to leave, when,

"I don't think you're the new Heather, by the way."

The Goth stopped in her tracks and felt her blood run cold. She whipped her head back to the other girl, her heart rate having increased dramatically. Courtney had left off the Kleenex and was looking out of the window, leaning on the window seats nonchalantly.

"Because, Heather was never in love with Trent," she went on calmly, as if she hadn't noticed the panic in Gwen's face. Then she looked at her, and, as if the sight of her had been funny, she smiled a little smile that in another situation would have been affectionate instead of eerie. "And you do have feelings for Duncan, don't you?" she said slowly, taking a step closer every few words.

Her words and her tone had a strange patronizing twist to them. Gwen got an uncanny sense of dread as the other girl approached her, and she suddenly had the sense to start stammering in her defense. "C-Courtney, I-I can explain, it's… it's _really_ not what you think, I didn't mean for it… it just _happened_ and-"

Courtney held up a hand and chsst-ed her. "But it didn't happen like you think…-"

The brunette repeated the gesture, a little louder this time. "Don't mock me, okay?" she calmly requested, and Gwen knew for certain in that moment she would never get through to her. If the girl was stubborn in her normal state, scorned she must be impossible.

"I know _exactly_ what this is all about," the girl assured, as her black eyes shone with something indescribable.

(-)

_Courtney stood and stared. __She felt the strange sensation that she had gone through the threshold leaving her soul and her heart at the other side of the door. The two people in front of her couldn't see her, involved as they were in each other._

_It was hard to explain the surreal feeling that overcame her in that moment. S__he had anticipated this moment, this discovery for so long; imagined it for so long, feared for so long, pictured it, that now that it had actually happened…._

_It just didn't seem true._

_Suddenly it all connected in her mind in one single second. The rumors flying about, the piteous glances the other contestants occasionally gave her, the jeering smiles Chris directed her, that couple of times she had walked in the room and people had stopped talking. The time she had heard kissing noises coming from the Confessional and thought nothing of it, just walked the other way remembering to drop by later._

_And in that very moment, she was paralyzed. She was completely clueless as to why she had gone to the cargo hold in the first place. All she could think of was all the times she had pictured this scene, and how she had assumed that in this situation she would barge in and start yelling at the both of them, as it was only expected of her._

_But what she had really witnessed herself doing was taking two steps backwards and closing the door soundlessly, eyes locked on the two people inside until the scene was blocked from her sight._

_Then, she simply walked away._

(-)_  
_

As Courtney saw the memory play out in front of her eyes, she continued to look down at Gwen unfalteringly, as if she was recalling something that didn't affect her at all. Her gaze was unforgiving and overpowering.

Gwen was visibly attempting to shrink onto herself, looking genuinely sorry. _Sorry she had been caught, that is_.

"I'm just here to tell you one thing," Courtney started, and the other girl looked up, ready for her punishment. "You can keep him."

"What?" the Goth asked in recoil, and immediately kicked herself for not sounding bashful when saying that and sounding eager even though she wasn't.

"Like you hear," Courtney stated, and Gwen was surprised to see a smile of satisfaction peeking at the corners of her lips, as if she was actually enjoying this. "Do me a _favor_, and _keep_ his lying ass."

Gwen stared at her. "You can't mean that," she said quietly, trying to sound appeasing.

"Oh, but I do," came the brunette's snappy reply. "I want you to keep him Gwen!" she exclaimed, and Gwen found herself a little relieved now that she was finally yelling. This soon faded, however, when Courtney approached her, beginning to corner her. "I want you to keep him for the _rest_ of your _lives_. I want you to _marry_ him!" she yelled, gesturing wildly.

The door opened unexpectedly to reveal the rest of team Amazon, but Courtney didn't seem to care, as she went on, "I want you to go and have a bunch of kids and buy a house with a white fence and a backyard and a _fucking little GOLDEN RETRIEVER_!"

Gwen stared at her with wide eyes as she stood and took it. It was an outburst, but there was nothing that indicated pain in Courtney's face; it was all just anger and rage. She just didn't _look_ broken-hearted, only severely annoyed.

Courtney took a step closer and Gwen finally hit the wall. "I want, you two, to get your happy ending," she stated genuinely, and then her eyes narrowed into slits, "just _don't_ ever bother _me_, again."

She pulled her face back. "Okay?" she lightly pinched Gwen's cheek, a gesture that could have been friendly in another context. "_teamie_?"

Then she turned around and quietly left the room, where Cody, Sierra and Heather jumped out of the way of the quietly steaming CIT, walking out with destination to God knows where.

* * *

Nothing to say here dada-di-dum-dum.

_ ~The Lighthouse_


	5. Part V: What She Wanted

Forget my past enthusiasm. I hate this stupid spellchecker.

It corrects in Spanish when I'm writing in English, corrects English when I'm writing in Spanish, has all my dialogues underlined in green, corrects grammar but not spelling.

DAMN YOU SPELLCHECKER. DAMN YOU TO HELL.

**tdicxdforever**: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! ^^

You know I never really thank for the favorites and the story alerts… just know, to the people who have added me, they brighten my day just as much as reviews. So thanks :)

Another thing I never do is the disclaimer :o silly head … so, Total Drama doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Mark Thornton and Todd Kauffman. However, I own so far: Courtney's parents and her siblings, Courtney's new boyfriend. I also don't own last chapter's song Courtney's singing, which is _Other Side of the World_ by KT Tunstall, and which I also forgot to credit x_X

* * *

**Part V**

* * *

_The worst things: To be in bed and sleep not; To want for one who comes not; To try to please and please not._

_-Egyptian Proverb_

After watching her worst nightmare coming true, Courtney had walked herself back to first class. But what she really felt like was like she was loose in space, trying to paddle back home in a zero-gravity atmosphere; her head was certainly pounding enough for that to be true. She was so shocked, she wasn't even drawing tears, and she barely noticed when she nearly fell on Tyler in her frenzy.

First Class seemed to be miles away. As she stomped harder, a few frantic thoughts darted back and forth in her head.

_She had given herself to that guy._

_She had given him complete access to her body, almost anytime he wanted._

She turned a corner sharply and practically ran to reach her plane section.

_She had molded her life around him._

_She had trusted him with all her heart._

…She had never felt so mighty _stupid_ before.

She had fallen, fallen right into Duncan's trap. She just wanted to crawl into a hole and stay there, hide her face from the world.

Courtney slowed down to a stop as she reached the door to first class, walked in, closed the door behind her. She regarded the empty room and leaned back on the closed door.

So _this_ was what it was like to feel cheated.

How long had they been sneaking behind her back? How long had she been _blind_?

Maybe it had been going on since Action, maybe even the island. Maybe Duncan had told Gwen all of Courtney's secrets, and they constantly laughed at her expense. Maybe they planned to spend the rest of their lives together, and get married too. Courtney wasn't sure about the accuracy of these notions, but she was forcing herself to summon the worst case scenario so there would be no surprises later.

So she had sat herself down on one of the seats, calmed herself down, and evaluated her situation through and through. And once she did, she was finally able to answer herself why she had cowardly walked away, in a manner so untypical of herself.

If she had walked in and confronted them in that moment, she didn't think she would have been able to control herself. It was too early, the subject was too green, her feelings too raw. Leaving had been a defense mechanism to keep her from making a fool out of herself. It hadn't been cowardice at all; it had been acknowledging she needed time to work out her feelings before facing the enemy. _Tomorrow. I will deal with it… tomorrow._

After a while, Courtney looked up and wondered where the rest of her team was. First class was empty and dark; it was already night and all the lights were off.

Courtney curled up in a ball in her seat just like every other night and tried to sleep, but her thoughts wouldn't leave her alone. Her mind kept conjuring images and semi-dreams of the rest of the contestants –Geoff and Lindsay included- watching Gwen and Duncan kissing and clapping at them, and laughing at Courtney behind her back.

She would open her eyes suddenly and meet the silent plane section; stay awake for a while, then begin to doze off, the wake up suddenly after of one of those dreams. She knew in those moments that this night would prove to be interminable.

And all the while she was there, all she wanted to do was go down to economy class and confront Duncan. Every bone in her body was telling her to go after him, and she toyed with the things she would say to him, throwing them back and forth in her mind. She imagined what she'd say, what he'd say, his expressions, her reactions.

She knew exactly how it would go down. She would walk into economy class, face stony. Owen and Tyler would be with him, and they would stop talking and joking when they saw her come in. They would eye her wearily, because of course, they'd know everything that was going on. Duncan had turned serious, too.

Courtney would stop a few steps before them, looking at Duncan with her eyes made into scary slits like people said they got when she was angry. He would not flinch.

"_How long,_" she would ask first, crossing her arms.

He held her gaze for a few seconds before looking down, rubbing his neck. He knew exactly what she was talking about. But he wouldn't say anything.

"_How long have you been cheating on me with her?_"

He just stared at her, and his expression betrayed nothing. This was one of the things he did that got to her the most, when he just shut himself off like the outside world had no effect on him, and she soon found herself becoming desperate. She willed herself to calm down before continuing.

"_I don't care anymore, Duncan._" She spat, rolling her eyes. "_Just __**tell**__ me how long you've been sneaking around with her._"

He looked at her without a word for a long time. Then he emitted a long drawn-out sigh and rolled his eyes in a condescending gesture. "_Why_ _do you want me to tell you something that's only gonna hurt you?_" He asked her slowly, as if savoring his words, and the complete carelessness in his eyes nearly broke her heart all over again.

At this, Owen, seeing the ominous fury growing in Courtney's eyes that Duncan, out of either boldness or recklessness, refused to acknowledge, quickly threw in an excuse about food and needing to do something in another part of the plane, and hurriedly exited the scene, with an equally apprehensive Tyler hot on his heels.

The door closed. Courtney regarded Duncan and started again. "_You know what the worst thing is?_" she asked, venom dripping from her every word. "_That you lied to me in my __**face**__!_" she spat, pointing at her face. "_You lied!_" her fists balled up as she searched for his evading eyes. "_You laughed at me,_" she stalked up to him, and jabbed a finger in his chest. "_in your head, every time you kissed me and you'd been with __**her**__!_"

Her words echoed in the silent room. He sighed and rolled his eyes up to the ceiling and down to the other side of the room, carefully avoiding going through her eyes. "_Who told you anyway?_" he finally asked in a languid tone. He didn't really care to know, he was just trying to buy time, trying his hardest to pretend he wasn't there and in that situation.

"_Why does that even matter?_" she screeched. Tears were stinging at the corner of her eyes now, but the utter carelessness in his eyes was keeping them from spilling over. "_All __**you**__ need to know right now is that I'm never forgiving you for this,_" she proclaimed, pointing a decisive finger at him. "_So don't even __**try**__ to apologize. Because I __**won't**__._"

"_Good! Wasn't __**planning**__ on it!_" he snapped, finally looking at her in the eye, and then turned to look outside the window, with his back to her.

She clenched her teeth and stalked away from him. Duncan almost thought she was leaving, but she stopped at the center of the room, arms crossed in a defensive manner, eyes furrowed shut and mouth clenched so as not to make any sound.

Once she regained her composure, she looked up and opened her eyes. She stared at the bars in the ceiling in silence for a while.

"_All those times I asked you about her,_" she said, almost to herself, feeling her annoyance coming back. "_The times I confronted you and her, UGH!_" She nearly face-palmed, but that wasn't becoming. Her fists balled up instead.

She liked to think her words had some sort of effect on him, but he was turned to the window, and she didn't know if it was because he couldn't stand to look at her and the pain he had caused her, or because he was counting the seconds until she was done talking so he could go back to his _Gwen_. The thought made her see red.

"_I suspected you and her for __**so long**__… and __**then**__,_" she continued in a shaky voice, fists tightened, and she could feel him getting tense as well, waiting for the ball to drop. But then, her eyes softened and so did her fists, "_I stopped._"

At this, he looked back at her. He clearly wasn't expecting that. She explained, "_I stopped suspecting, and I started __**trusting**__ you. And __**you**__,_" her tone turned hateful as she turned to him. "_You had to __**wait**__ until I trusted you, until I __**opened**__**up**__ to you,_" She was clenching and unclenching her fists, as if she would love to be closing them around his neck. "_to let me know it was all a cheat, and you were… you were…_" her voice got increasingly smaller, much to her chagrin. "_YOU'RE THE WORST SCUM IN THE WORLD!_" she screamed suddenly. "_And we're over, I hope you know that._"

She examined his face. She saw that after her tirade, he was looking at her straight in the eye with actual regret, and a tinge of pain –probably a reflection of her own. That was enough for the tears in her eyes to well up and roll down her cheeks.

She angrily wiped them away with her knuckles. She couldn't stand the silence, and spoke again, "_How __**could**__ you, Duncan?_" her voice was choked, but it still got the deed done. "_A-after __**everything**__!_"

"_Look, I'm sorry, okay?_" he said sincerely, sounding like he was present for the first time. "_I'm sorry it turned out like this_."

"_Then __**why**__ did you do it?_" she asked desperately. "_To me, to __**us**__? Why when we were going so… well?_" she choked out, looking up at him with glassy eyes, anticipating his answer.

And that was when the image became fuzzy. He opened his mouth to speak… and then everything vanished. She couldn't for the life of her figure out why he did what he did, and so that was where her speculations ended.

Of course, her daydreams-slash-actual dreams went further and longer than that, and more dramatic and more violent. But those were the most prominent scenes, the ones that stuck in her mind and didn't get lost after the second or third time she replayed them in her head.

And dreams after dreams after, she was still waiting for herself to get up and go down to economy class, face Duncan and demand answers. But logic and her pride won every time. She did _not_ want to break down in front of him.

Maybe that was what was keeping her awake- the indecision. That, and the embarrassment.

She couldn't believe she had become so blind to not see this coming.

Because she had been blind all this time. It was the only explanation; while she was so in love, he had just been waiting for the right time to send her packing- she just couldn't see it. It had to be that, because not even _he_ would do something like this because he was _bored_.

…Right?

Perhaps it was the classical fear of commitment; they _had_ been together for almost a year, perhaps the relationship was getting too serious for him to handle. Or maybe he was trying to prove himself, keep up that wretched bad-boy image of his.

Or maybe, plain and simple, he had stopped liking for her.

But _why_? She honestly couldn't think of anything _she_ had done to lose him that way. She had thought they were better than ever!

She just couldn't stop cursing the _timing _of it all. If only he had done this a few months ago, back when she hadn't yet decided to let herself love him so much, in a way so unrestrained, back when she was still wary of Gwen with Duncan and with her guard up high, this wouldn't have hurt so much.

Or maybe he _had_ done this back then, and she was just finding out now.

Courtney shifted in her seat, the action shaking her from her semi-asleep state. These were the hopeless wonderings that kept her awake; the not knowing the reasons for him doing that was what desperated her. She couldn't get over it until she didn't make sense out of it.

But she _had_ to get over it.

Come the next day, she _had_ to face Duncan and Gwen, _had_ to give them a piece of her mind, and she _had_ to look like she was alright. She had to destroy Gwen's self-worth, and then tell Duncan off, and make it all look like it was effortless.

Courtney brought her knees up to her chest and breathed deeply in the empty plane section, trying her best not to break down and indulge herself in fantasies of Tomorrow never coming at all.

* * *

Hmm, I rather like this :9

_ ~The Lighthouse_


	6. Part VI: What He Wanted

**BelleDanseuse**: Really! That's great! Well, not that I almost make you cry, I mean... you know... ^^'

**CarmillaD**: Perdoname que te discuta, pero la verdad no creo que se hayan dado cuenta de nada. Ellos son los productores, mientras haya gente que mire el programa no les importa el resto, ni ser leales a los personajes que ellos crearon ni lo que piensen los fans. Pasa que los escritores tenían un plan fuera de nuestro conocimiento. Porque nosotros creíamos que las cosas como las mostraron en la Isla eran la posta, que Heather era la mala y las parejas iban a quedarse juntas para siempre, etc. Pero resulta que ellos tienen un sistema de cambiar de villano por temporada. Muchos se preguntaban por qué Heather estaba tan calladita en Action; a muchos les molestó porque no era ni más buena no lo que era antes, sino algo aburrido entre medio, pero su temporada de villana ya había pasado. Y ahí cayó Courtney, como la mala de la segunda temporada; su comportamiento no es más que una consecuencia de lo que los escritores quieren que pase en la serie; los personajes son sus marionetas para lograr sus intereses. Al fin y al cabo es una parodia; lo que hacen es tratar de emular un reality, y en los realities hay parejas engañadas. Para ellos es sólo un programa, nosotros solamente lo vivimos con más intensidad porque somos los Fans. (Humor: Tétrico.)

Bueeeno… me copé xP Es mi opinión igual. Y no te culpo si no te leíste todo eso 9_9. Ejem. ¿Así que me lucí? :# Gracias. Espero que te guste lo que sigue ^^

* * *

**Part VI**

* * *

Duncan peeked his head out the door of the cargo hold, and looked at both ends of the hallway. "S'clear, babe," he announced, before opening the door fully.

A nervous Gwen peeked out as well. "Right," she said tensely, looking at both sides just to make sure, as she tried to quickly smooth down her hair. Duncan noted how easy it was for her hair to mess up and how hard to make it look neat again; it must be because it was so thin. With Courtney, you could throw her hair in every direction, and it would just fall down into the same style, it would not mess up, and it wouldn't get marked even if she had it tied back all day.

…Duncan wasn't sure what to make of that comparison.

So he leaned in the doorframe, occupying as much space in the threshold as possible. He smirked at Gwen when she realized she would have to go all over him to get the hall. He didn't have to even think that smirk; he was pretty satisfied after that make-out session. She smiled back at him as she slowly brushed her body over his. Once on the other side, she looked up at him shyly, "So, um…" she bit her lower lip, blushing.

"I'll see _you_ later," Duncan said with a smile, looking at her with eyes that said, '_I would kiss you right now if we weren't in open sight_'.

She smiled. "See you later," she responded, barely able to keep the giddiness out of her voice, and turned on her heel to walk away in a weightless fashion, like she was walking on clouds.

Duncan shook his head after her; she became a whole different, incredibly sweet person when she was in love. He started to walk in the other direction, but was immediately intercepted by Tyler, who scared the bejesus out of him when he grabbed him by both shoulders as soon as he turned around.

"_Du-ude!_" he stated, an intense expression on his face.

"_Whoa_! Man, where'd you come from!" The punk inquired simultaneously.

"That doesn't matter now!" he waved the question off frantically, and grabbed his shoulders again. "She _knows_."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Duncan deadpanned.

"_Courtney_," he cleared. "Courtney _knows_…-"

"_What_?" the punk interjected.

"Courtney knows. She _knows_. Dude," Tyler took a deep breath, slowing down now that the news had been delivered, and laid a hand on his shoulder, "she knows."

"_Damn it_!" Duncan barked, slapping his forehead. "How the hell does she know?"

"I think she saw you with Gwen," Tyler answered.

Duncan regarded the boy in front of him with a suspicious look, and promptly grabbed him by his shirt collar, lifting him a few inches off the ground. "_You_ didn't happen to have told her, did you?" he asked in the threatening voice.

"O-of course not!" the jock responded in a choked voice. "I saw her running away from the cargo hold. S-she nearly ran over me, and she had a look in her eyes… that it couldn't have been anything else." he explained quickly.

Duncan gave him a long hard stare, but finally set him down. "Alright," he said airily. "Well since you didn't tell her, you can walk. But if I find out you _did_ tell her, old rules apply. You're a dead man." Duncan finished his threat as he walked past the boy, on his way to somewhere quiet where he could think about what all of this meant for him. But he failed to see the disgusted look that Tyler gave him as he walked away.

"Dude, you seriously don't even _care_?" he called incredulously, making Duncan stop in his tracks.

The punk slowly turned around, giving Tyler a hard glare for.

"What did you just say to me," he asked lowly. "Chicken boy?"

"I said that you obviously don't care about Courtney," Tyler said boldly. "You just broke her heart, dude. You probably don't care about Gwen either."

"Courtney _has_ no heart," he snickered. "And don't you talk about Gwen. You don't know anything about her— _or_ me."

"I know enough to know you messed up," he retorted. "Because _I_ would never cheat on my Linds," he announced, and Duncan rolled his eyes at the comment so obviously specifically designed to suck up to his girlfriend watching from some part of the world.

"Just 'cause you're lucky to have your girlfriend _remember_ you," Duncan countered, making Tyler's frown deepen. "_Some_ of us guys," he pointed at himself. "are in a different place," he said and, considering the conversation over, he turned to leave.

"Some of us guys are real jackasses," Tyler muttered a second later.

Duncan turned again and approached him. "You know what? In a relationship, there's always one who cheats- it happens. And it's usually the not-so-lame one," he said with laughter in his voice but evil eyes, and then laid a hand on the jock's shoulder. "So, we'll see if you think the same when your precious _Lindsay_ cheats on you."

"Maybe that's true, but at least _I_ can say I love her. Can _you_ say that?" Tyler snapped, and his response shocked Duncan in that it was so automatic.

Here was a guy that usually lived neck-deep in his fantasies, and mantained a feeble macho façade all the time, yet now he was claiming that he cared more for his girlfriend than his pride; he sounded honest, too. It was very un-Tyler-like, and it took Duncan aback, but that didn't mean he was any less tired of Sporto using that tone on him.

"_As I said_, you don't know the first thing about me," he said angrily. "You try to judge me again like you just did and I'll beat the shit out of you." He gave him a warning push for extra effect. He saw fear flash through Tyler's eyes as he stepped back an inch; Duncan knew then he would leave the subject alone.

"Whatever," the jock said with a dark expression. "I'm going to sleep." He walked past Duncan like he wasn't afraid of him. But his voice had a tinge of caution in it, and when he passed by the punk, he had swerved a little; and for Duncan, that was enough.

The door closed and Duncan was left alone.

He ran a hand through his head. If Tyler was right about what he was saying, right now Courtney was probably heartbroken in another part of the plane, probably crying her heart out.

_Good_.

His plan was working. He was finally paying her back for all she had done to him. Soon, she would get all that was coming to her for a long time.

With a smirk, Duncan joined the rest of his team in economy class. Tyler glared at him when he passed by him, and Duncan just glared down at him right back (_who did this guy suddenly think he was?_). He made himself a space in the seats among his other sleeping teammates and arranged in a sleeping position, looking nonchalant about everything he did. But he ignored that this would be a night for tossing and turning. Little into the night, he started to dream.

And what Duncan dreamed was something like this.

_Love opens all doors;_

_hatred closes them._

_-Cervantes_

There was a party in the plane, except it wasn't exactly the plane. It was as if they had landed on the roof of a hotel and it had somehow blended and become an extension of the plane; the Total Drama cast was spread between the plane and the hotel's lobby, where the party was.

At the party, the atmosphere was pumping. The room was immense and completely crowded (because apparently, the party wasn't restricted to the Total Drama cast). The music governed; it was so loud you could feel the beat in your chest, and it was unnatural to fight it. On the dance floor, hundreds of people jumped around to the rhythm of the music, in a way that you felt someone would get killed at any point, but somehow the bodies gravitated gracefully around each other without ever hitting each other.

And in the midst of all the crazy partying people, Duncan could clearly see Courtney, contrasting greatly with the rest since she looked stagnant and sad. She was sitting at the bar, staring off in the distance. She was tapping her nails on an empty glass and ocassionally sighing.

In Duncan's imagination, she had found out about him and Gwen. She had cried a river and now she was there, relunctantly at a party where nobody talked to her. She looked so lonely and heartbroken that Duncan felt his heart pang at the sight, especially knowing he had been the one to cause it.

Then at some point, the live band playing stopped being the totally awesome punk-rock group he was imagining and it became Latin music. It was the music he associated with Courtney's neighborhood. There was always something ethnic blasting in Allapattah, though Courtney's mother herself did not allow it in her house.

The Latinos in the crowd seemed to spontaneously multiply and they took over the party, dancing and jumping around with incomparable zeal. This part, Duncan was sure, came from his experience of the parties he had accompanied Courtney to; Courtney's friends generally didn't drink much, but they partied like rock stars.

And in the midst of the jungle of dark skin and elaborate dance moves, there came the ultimate Latin stereotype-holder of the show: Alejandro.

Duncan could see the exact moment in which his calculative eyes located Courtney alone at the bar and his lips curled up in that known evil smirk of his.

"_Hello señorita,_" he said, leaning on the counter. "_What's a beautiful girl like yourself doing here by herself?_"

"_Oh. Hi Alejandro,_" Courtney replied in a tired tone. "_Just waiting for this party to be over_," she said, not giving the guy in front of her much importance.

Duncan wasn't sure how she would react to the boy's charm. She had never given him the time of day before, but now after what Duncan had done… She was fair game, and it wouldn't be long until she realized it too.

Duncan, still an invisible, overseeing presence in the dream, ached because of this.

Alejandro's eyes widened in a perfectly calculated gesture of surprise. "_But __why__? A girl like you should be enjoying this party!_"

"_I really just want to back go to my room and sleep,_" Courtney sighed, indifferent.

Alejandro paused, but he went back to the assault, determined to get through to her, if only because he had a reputation to upkeep. "_Look,_" he said, adopting a sensitive voice as he laid a hand on her shoulder. "_I know you're in pain._" She looked up, looking directly at him for the first time. He had a point; she looked like she was exhausted about just being here, just being in the presence of people people and keeping herself together.

And definetely too exhausted to conceal it once someone called her on it. She looked at him with her beautiful black eyes big and glassy, leaving herself completely open to him. And Duncan felt himself wrench in jealousy.

Alejandro smiled softly at her. "_But you have to find it in you turn it around. **Dare** to have a good time,_" he said, his motivational speaker vocation shining through. "_The night is young- and so are we,_" he took her hand and pulled softly backwards to make her stand up. He nodded towards the dance floor. "_C'mon, let's dance._"

Courtney smiled at the invitation at first, but then it dropped altogether, as if she didn't have the strenght to form a full smile. She bit her lip. "_I-I don't really feel up to it,_" she said, looking away in defeat.

Alejandro was quick with an answer. "_Ah, but that's exactly why you should,_" his eyes twinkled before he leaned in close to her ear and said, "_Tengo una caja roja de las lápices._"

(At least that was what Duncan's subconscious had him say, but when he woke up he realized that sounded retarded; what he really meant was a different Spanish saying he remembered, one that meant 'because dancing makes the pain go away'.)

The phrase sounded to like home to Courtney and lifted her spirits, so when Al pulled back, she had a bright smile on her face. The boy used this moment to take her other hand, drawing her closer. "_Now you can stay here and sulk, or you can go and have the best night of your life._"

Courtney looked at him with a full smile. "_Let's go._"

He quickly took her to the center of the dance floor. They started to dance, and soon the rest of the party was pushed to the background; the music became muffled, and people's faces became blurry. The whole dream was merely a stage for the two teenagers enjoying themselves.

Courtney suddenly looked prettier. Her hair was in a high ponytail that exposed her long neck and her beautiful features, and she wore a party top and a skirt. He could see Alejandro, touching her, putting his hands on her hips, then on her face; leaning down to whisper in her ear and oh-so-casually breathing on her exposed neck while he told her how good a dancer she was, and how great she looked.

And with that Alejandro stopped being Alejandro, the Latin guy of the show with the obvious attraction to Heather, and he became every guy in the world who could potentially sweep Courtney off her feet. About five songs in, he took the next step and pulled her body in closer to his.

And Courtney showed no signs of stopping him. She looked like she was having tons of fun; she was smiling with her lips and with her eyes, and she looked so hyped up and into the party that it was hard to imagine she had been crying not too long ago. The dream, which had been a nightmare for a while, went on for a while conjuring torturous images on after the other, of his girl grinding on another guy. And just when Duncan felt like he could start tearing his hair out, he finally came into the scene.

He stepped in the party with the wife-beater he wore to sleep, but the jeans he wore by day. His eyes immediately located Courtney and Alejandro. He stalked up to where they were and before either of them even noticed him, he roughly grabbed Al from the shoulders and pulled him back, far away from Courtney.

He heard Courtney yell his name, but once he had Alejandro face to face, his first flew out and connected with the distracted Latin's jaw, promptly sending him to ground.

And from then on it was pretty much out of control. Duncan kneeled down and started to beat him up, ignoring Courtney's cries.

"_Stop it! Don't hit him anymore! Stop!_"

But she didn't –and Duncan remembered this very well- touch him at any point. She didn't put her hands on his shoulders and pull back with just enough force and insistance to make him lose his balance, so that he would be forced to stand up and stop fighting at risk of people thinking his girlfriend was strong enough to sway him– the way it always worked out.

But now, she seemed so disgusted with him, she wasn't even touching him. And Duncan felt strangely cold, even with his adrenaline shooting up from punching Alejandro over and over again.

"_Stop it! Why are you doing this! DUNCAN! Cut it out!_"

Duncan began to slow down on his punches. He considered himself done and got up, looking down at the unconcious and injured boy as his chest heaved up and down. Then he looked at Courtney, and grabbed her wrist. "_Come with me,_" he told her in an overpowering voice.

"_No! Leave!_" She freed herself from his grasp. She was strong; he was stronger, but he would never grab her so forcefully that she wouldn't be able to get herself free if she tried.

He tried to grab her again and pull her away from the dance floor. But she planted her heels on the ground and put up a fight. "_Leave me alone!_"

He finally had enough and grabbed both of her hands in one of his, and used his other arm to hoist her over his shoulder. With that he took long strides out of the dance floor, with the added weight over his shoulder squirming, kicking and pounding on his back while screaming all the way.

"_Let me go! Duncan, if you don't set me down right now, I'll make your life Hell! You hear me! Set me DOWN! Now!_"

All the way, the Real Duncan was cheering Dream Duncan on for getting back what was rightfully his.

He arrived to a relatively quiet spot and set her down, trapping her against a wall and seizing her arms so she wouldn't get away. Courtney, now twice as livid over being manhandled and retained in a place against her will, was red on the face and drowning out the music with her screams.

"_What the Hell do you think you're doing!_" she shouted.

"_What the Hell were you doing with that guy!_" he shouted back.

"_How is that __**any**__ of your business!_"

"_I do not want you with __**that guy**__,_" he told her throuh gritted teeth, thinking back to all the times he had seen (both on TV and live) Alejandro flirt and deceive other girls.

"_You cheated on me!_" she acussed, and the statement echoed in his brain and momentarily left him speechless. _You have no right. You can't tell me anything, you cheated on me, you cheated on me, you cheated on me…_.

"_Let me go!_" she said to his silence, and her trying to free herself made him react.

"_No,_" he flattened her to the wall a little more.

"_Oof._" She had an expression of pain on her face for a second as she collided lightly with the wall again, but it was immediately replaced with a condescending expression. "_Seriously, Duncan? Are we in __**that**__ part of the break up where you can't have me so nobody else can!_"

"_What are you talking about? I __**never**__ broke up with you!_" he said truthfully, but he immediately wished he hadn't.

"_**Oh**__! So you want to keep the __**both**__ of us!_"

"_No!_" he said desperately.

"_You can't have your cake and eat it too!_"

"_But I want YOU!_" he snapped, and this time she was the one left speechless. She had stopped struggling, and he stopped putting pressure on her arms. "_Don't you get it! I want you, not her!_"

She looked at him, the anger in her face gone and being replaced with confusion. "_…what?_"

She was taken aback, but he saw a sudden tranquility in her eyes. The happenings of the last few days hadn't made much sense at all to her. How could he have stop wanting her just like that? But now she knew the truth. She had been right; he did want her after all. Now things made sense.

He grabbed her face, and she let him— that just went to show how much the statement had affected her. "I love you," he said softly. He had said it before –in his waking life-, and they had been saying it to each other for a few months.

Courtney swallowed. Then she pushed him back softly and frowned severely. "_Then __**why**__?_"

Finding himself trapped by her gaze, Duncan thought back to his reasons and couldn't help but for a guilty expression to show up on his face. Somehow, in a way that somehow worked in dreams, in his guilty expression she had everything she needed to figure it out.

Her eyes widened slowly. "_This is payback,_" she said in realization.

Feeling exposed and ashamed, he didn't say anything as he looked down.

Her mouth gaped at his silent agreement, and she suddenly let out a humorless cackle. "_Seriously Duncan? It's payback?_" she studied his face in disbelief and laughed again. "_Oh my God… I can't believe you! How could you do all of __**this**__,_" she shouted, "_to get back for __**that**__?_"

Duncan looked at her with pain.

Yes, he was still mad at her for everything… but that didn't seem like a reason to do everything he had done anymore. Now he was trapped in his actions, his stupid _stupid actions_, and he had no way to take back what he had done.

Actually, he took it back— he couldn't even remember why he was so mad at her. He couldn't think of any good reason to leave or hurt the girl in front of him.

"_I'm sorry,_" he said, looking down. His hands were on the wall on either side of Courtney, supporting his weight. His head hung limply from his shoulders and he felt like he would start crying at anytime. "_I'm so sorry, baby. __**God**__ I,_" he withdrew one hand and rubbed his eyes continuously until they turned red._ "I wish I could take it back._"

He was begging and almost tearing and he didn't even feel like a chick. He just hoped she would hear the sincerity in his voice. He looked up at her, and to his horror, she didn't look at all touched by his emotion. An icy expression reigned in her features.

But God, she was so beautiful. He had forgotten just how much. He had grown accustomed to her and had forgotten to appreciate it, but now that he was about to lose her….

Her slanted eyes, the tone of her skin, the curve her hair… the childish freckles on her nose, the regal expression she could adopt. She was beautiful like no one would ever be again.

That was why he was so angry at the likes of Alejandro trying to get with her; those guys would never aprecciate her, not to the extent she ought to be aprecciated.

She shook her head. "_It's over, Duncan_" she said, and Duncan felt his world sink. "_I can't trust you anymore! I can **never** trust you anymore,_" she said as she freed herself, removing Duncan's arm trapping her on the wall, and and walked off, taking his sense of reality with her.

Duncan didn't try to chase her, didn't call her or even stared after her. Even as every bone in his body was shouting at him to get her back, he was for some reason unable to, and he let her go. Courtney faded into the depths of his dream, and Duncan slid down to fall on his knees, crumbling on that very wall, covering his eyes.

He might have been crying, or he might have not. But he was still heartbroken.

And it was all his own fault.

* * *

If a certain line in the dream wasn't italized, it wasn't accidental.

_ ~The Lighthouse_


	7. Part VII: What They Did

**Part VII**

* * *

When Duncan woke up, he felt like crying.

That came as a shock to him, because he wasn't a crier. He hadn't cried since his aunt died when he was thirteen and before that, he didn't remember the last time he had cried. But now he was glad everyone around him was sound asleep, so they wouldn't see him struggling not to break down.

It took him a while to realize none of what he had just seen was real. There was no party, he wouldn't leave the economy section to find Courtney dancing with Alejandro, and she hadn't told him that it was over between them.

Duncan stood up and stumbled out of the room and into the hallway, in direction to the bathroom that didn't have a confessional camera. Walking helped him wake up a bit, but he could still see the images of the dream in front of his eyes more clearly than the hallway he was walking through.

He entered the bathroom and fumbled for the faucet so erratically that he hit his hand against the mirror above.

"Fuck!" he hissed.

He turned on the light and examined the damage; there was a shallow cut on the back of his hand, and small shards of glass were all over the floor. From the way the mirror had broken, it was obviously the cheap kind of glass, but there was no surprise there.

He opened the tap and put cold water on his hand, then on his face and neck. The cooling sensation did good to his troubled state of mind, and only then could he think with a bit of clarity.

What the _hell_ had been that dream?

And why did it contradict everything he thought in real life?

His cheeks lighted up when he remembered openly bawling in front of Courtney in his dream. What the fuck was wrong with his unconcious? Then he blushed harder when he realized he was trying not to break down right now.

God, he couldn't erase the memory from his mind of her face when she discovered his motives. He had to admit, when she said it like that… it did sound pretty stupid.

It _was_ pretty stupid.

Duncan paced through the bathroom, cradling his head in his hands. "Oh God, my brain's racing," he whispered to himself. _Get a grip, Duncan_, he told himself.

His brain was flooded by images of the dream one after the other. That moment when he had seen her so beautiful, when his reasons for what he had done had seemed so petty, and he felt so attached to her. The dread when he found that she didn't believe him and his desperation when he saw her literally slip from his fingers. The moment she disappeared and he felt so… incomplete.

Duncan kicked the toilet, nearly knocking the rotten thing from its base.

With his back to the wall, he slid down until he was sitting on the floor, sprawled across the small bathroom with his legs keeping the door shut, so no one would suddenly enter and see him like this.

Duncan buried his face in his hands. _Okay. Think clearly now_. If Tyler was right and she knew everything, that was it. He had lost her. She would _never_ forgive him, that much he was sure of.

So if everything was already ruined, all cards had been played and there was nothing to be be said or done, why was he so freakin' emotional _now_?

He shut his eyes under his fingers and stopped his breathing, attempting to choke the lump in his throat.

He wanted to stop it, right then and there. He wanted to stop everything. He wanted to march right up to first class, find Courtney in whatever situation she was in and apologize. If she was crying, console her; if she didn't know, confess. And claim he was crazy for doing what he did and beg for her to take him back— reason? He didn't need a reason; he loved Courtney, he would never hurt her!

He had never in his life been so afraid of losing something.

Silently, a few tears finally rolled down his cheeks.

Of course, they only lived on his cheeks for a second until he angrily wiped them out. _Get a grip, Duncan_, he told himself. _You're losing it_.

Duncan stayed there for a long time, until the first few morning rays started to leak through the dirt-stained windows, and with the sun came clarity. And with clarity came back the memories—the memory of the circumstances he was in, of the people he shared his current situation with, and of himself.

Slowly and against his will, he was losing the notion of Courtney as the beautiful girl who inspired him so much love, and had started to remember the bitch shell who had put him through enough crap to last anyone a lifetime –remember _himself_, remember the the boy who had looked like a wimp in international television, the tough guy who cared about how he was viewed. The boy who had to do this, to redeem himself of the embarrassing happenings of the last season.

It was either _him_, or _her_.

…What was he going to do?

* * *

"_It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel."_

_-Author Unknown_

* * *

In the end, morning arrived to First Class without seeing Courtney leave her section and go confront Duncan. The girl resolved to obey her better judgement and stayed put, not trusting herself if she were to face Duncan.

At dawn, Duncan left the bathroom and returned directly to economy class; he dodged First Class and never got to tell Courtney what he really felt.

And Gwen wasn't anywhere near getting the courage or the impulse to make things right by herself.

Somewhere in the duration of the night, the rest of the Amazons had turned up to First Class; they had silently come in and taken their usual seats, surely thinking Courtney was asleep. The brunette thought she was probably between sleeps or at least only half-asleep when she saw them arrive.

The brunette had found out the truth about her new friend and her boyfriend, the night before, then she had spend the night indulging herself in doubt and self-pity. When the sun shone over First Class, shining bright and mocking her, she was over it.

At least, over it enough to be able to function.

Now, the brunette took her breakfast as she observed the unsuspecting Gwen walk around their plane section, without a worry in the world, and Courtney decided.

She would get _her_ first.

She thought she was so special, didn't she? So original in her gothic get-up and permanent scowl, like she was the one who had _invented_ cynicism. She acted so pure and innocent, and so much like she had a right to judge everybody because she was oh-so-nice, but to pull a move like this… only an insecure, scared little girl would do something like this. Accepting the advances of a guy that was taken, too scared to even demand that he broke up with his girlfriend before they pursued a relationship. _Whore_.

…She would be easy to break.

Courtney would squish whatever sense of self-esteem Miss Depressed had left. Little Gothic liar had _no idea_ what was coming to her.

* * *

"D'you hear Duncan last night?"

"Yeah, I think he crashed with the door or something."

"No, I mean before that."

Tyler looked at Owen. "When?"

"Before. He was talking in his sleep." Owen lowered his voice, "And I'm pretty sure I heard him say 'I love you' once."

"Really?" Tyler's eyes widened, and his blond friend nodded. He chuckled bitterly, "So who do you think he was dreaming about? Courtney or Gwen?"

"Why not someone else?" Owen quipped.

The jock laughed. "True." His eyes went a little cold when he gazed at the punk across the room.

Right now, Tyler almost couldn't believe how he had talked to Duncan the day before. _Duncan_. The guy who could snap his bones like a tootpick. And he had stood before him and given him every reason to. It now gave him chills to think about that, but those things needed to be said.

Duncan was talking to Alejandro now. Tyler narrowed his eyes, and he suddenly felt uneasy. Those two together could mean no good.

* * *

Alejandro could barely believe what he was hearing.

Because yes, he _had_ set Duncan up for it, he _had_ tried and intended to get the very response he had gotten. But it surprised him when he got it so quickly, so effortlessly from the boy. There had been even a sick eagerness in his eyes when he said,

"That's easy! Heather's kinda into you right? So. Seduce _Courtney_!"

Alejandro, who couldn't stop himself from making observations about most people he encountered, had decided that day that Duncan had not just lost interest in Courtney, as he had assumed– he downright _hated_ her.

"Of course!" Alejandro feigned an amazed tone, and while he spoke he observed the smirking punk in front of him, trying to figure out his true feelings. "If I seduce Courtney, it'll distract both of them from the game at hand, and one of them will surely vote the other out!" There was something in Duncan's eyes that told him to stay wary. It shot through Alejandro's mind the possibility that Duncan and Courtney might have been planning everything, from Duncan's cheating to this very moment…but _no_—that was simply too out there. (Wasn't it?)

"What an idea, Duncan" he finished with praising—out of habit mostly, because the punk wasn't really affected by praise or by critique.

"What is?" Tyler and Owen had approached the two.

Alejandro quickly briefed them in the plannings, and when he was done, Tyler couldn't believe the proposal had really come from Duncan's mouth.

"Can you believe that guy?" He asked Owen when they were apart from the group.

"Yeah… he is a genius, isnt he?" Owen responded in an awed voice, and Tyler understood he was talking about Alejandro.

He was about to explain what he had really meant to his friend, when he caught him looking at the Latino with adoring eyes.

The jock closed his mouth, looked back at Duncan and, knowing he was alone in the sentiment, simply shook his head.

* * *

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaack to this story after more than a month! xP Hey people, if you're interested why don't you go check my other story A Christmas Ghost Story? I don't mean to self-promote but I'm pretty proud of it :)

**CarmillaD**: Los genios del mundo son idealistas *abrazo*

Eeeh, no entendí la referencia porque cuando era chiquita me vi todo DragonBall y ahora no me acuerdo de nada xD de Sailor Moon tampoco me acuerdo... de Pokémon sí :D

Pero estoy de acuerdo, por querer hacerlo parecido a un reality están desafiando lo que ellos mismos habían estipulado que eran las personalidades de los personajes en TDI. Ufa, bueno, para eso esta el fanfiction, no? 9_9

¡Amo a Tyler! Él representa a todos los marginados que tratan de tener éxito en algo para lo que no sirven ni remotamente xD De aquí a diez años va a ser tremendo atleta porque nunca se rindió!

JAJAJAJAJA, sisi, la autora habla español, pero Duncan no! xD Jajaja, me encanta escribir sueños. Los sueños de Duncan trataron de mantener a Alejandro IC haciéndolo hablar español, pero le salieron con cualquier cosa! xD Me gusta pensar que cuando Duncan pasaba por la casa de Courtney cachó algo de español, pero no lo suficiente. :D

Me reconfortan tus últimas palabras… eso era exactamente lo que quería mostrar ^^

_~The Lighthouse_


	8. Part VIII: Lies

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD I hit such an enormous brickwall with this story X.x Seriously, how long have I put it off? No wait, don't tell me xP

BelleDanseuse: Thank you so much. That means a whole lot to me.

honey-boo-skii: Haha, gotcha . No, that guy still has a quite a long way until he realizes the error of his ways.

CarmillaD: Aah, con razón. Ahora entiendo la referencia. Generalmente me gusta y valoro más la serie original que el fanfiction que le hacen, pero en este caso noo xD

Pssh, no sos sádica, se lo re merecía ^^ Gracias como siempre nena… Acá va más Tyler para vos…

OneSecondEternity: D'aww, you cried? :# Thanks for the fave :) You inspired me to pick up this story. That is, even before I read you asking for it. I just opened my mail and saw the alerts and I went 'damn, people are giving attention to this story and I completely semi-abandoned it xP'. I'm sincerely sorry I took so long, hey I'm angry at me too xD

* * *

**Part VIII**

* * *

A good hour and a half had passed since Courtney had given Gwen the fright of her life, aiming a killer blow at her already destroyed nerves, and the Goth was still jittery.

Now, don't get her wrong. She wasn't intimidated by the brown-haired CIT— but her reaction, it had freaked her out.

The girl was just so _weird_. She came off as just a regular over-achiever that liked to flaunt her trophies –real or metaphorical- and blame things that came out wrong on other people. But when you looked more closely, she was actually kind of crazy.

She just did the exact opposite of what one expected of her. There you thought you knew her and then _bam!_ She did something like this. It was quite frightening, in that it was unsettling.

She couldn't stop picturing Courtney's face… Her expression when Gwen realized she knew everything had been engraved so strongly in the Goth's mind, that she wouldn't be surprised if it plagued her dreams for the next fifty years. Memories of the wrongs she had committed as a teenager.

And somehow, Gwen knew that if she didn't feel worse about this was because, in a level of her subconscious, she felt like Courtney deserved it.

But that was bullshit. _No one_ deserved this, _especially_ someone like Courtney. For whom it was obviously so hard to open up, and who had finally found someone to lean on in the boy Gwen had stolen. Who looked like the last person to deserve something good, and was probably the first.

Looking back in the events –not just from this season, but from the last one as well-, Gwen realized that she didn't even know who she was anymore.

Two years ago, she could safely say she was a good person. Now, she wasn't so sure.

_Pherhaps this was growing up_.

Gwen was so hung up on her thoughts, that she didn't notice when she bumped into none other than Duncan himself.

Before she could say anything, he reached out for her arm. "Don't worry about Courtney. She's just venting. Let her cool off."

"How'd you…-"

"Tyler," he said. "He thinks that… that she saw us in the cargo hold."

"Oh my God, Duncan, it was horrible!" she exploded, covering her eyes with her hands. "She just kept screaming, and at one point I seriously thought she was gonna bite my _head_ off!" Duncan could see that her current state was half fright of Courtney and half her own guilt eating her up.

He draped an arm around her shoulders, and let her continue to vent. She told him about the whole encounter, from beginning to end.

"…and then she told me we could go get married and get a house with a fence and a _dog_," she told. "And she looked like she meant it, Duncan. Like she really didn't wanna have anything to do with us anymore." She paused. "I believed her. I don't know…" she trailed off.

Then they both fell quiet, and Duncan looked like he was thinking over something.

"…Are you sure she said a _dog_?"

Gwen looked up. "What?" She was surprised even _he_ would joke at a time like this.

"Um…" Duncan looked hesitant. "Are you sure she said dog? Didn't she say… golden retriever…maybe?"

The Goth realized he was serious, and thought back to Courtney's actual words. "Yeah, actually… that's exactly what she said."

She then looked at him, expecting him to explain whether this meant something or if it was some kind of code, but but Duncan uttered an, "Oh," and looked away, his face impassible, as if it didn't meant anything. Gwen hated when he just shut off that way.

She was about to interrogate him further, to try to get a little bit of truth out of him, but when she opened her mouth, she discovered she didn't have the energy. It didn't seem to be worth the effort. Gwen closed her mouth and looked outside the window.

She was used to things being out of her control.

* * *

"_A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent."_

_-William Blake_

* * *

"I love you._"_

_It had been spoken softly, secretly, in a concealed space between his hand and his girlfriend's hair._

_He had to be extra-close to her ear for her to hear him in the middle of the raging party that took place around them. And their suddenly motionless and quietfigures constrasted with the loud dance music and the half-crazed bodies swirling around them; but it was just as well, because as soon as that sentence came out, everything else seemed to be out of importance. Everything that didn't involve the two of them became colorless._

"I love you so much, Princess._"_

_For the past week he had been trying the sentence on his mind, testing it, seeing if it still felt true after days, continually after the first time it had ocurred to him, a Tuesday while . Every time he saw her he would try that sentence in his mind._

_As for why he had chosen that particular moment to get out with it, Duncan could find no reason for, other than to blame it in the fact that she was almost profanely beautiful when she danced._

_He dared to break away; a thousand fearful posibilities shot through his head in the split second until he got a look at her expression. There, to his great relief, was a smile as bright as he had ever seen in hers. He posed his forehead on hers._

"I feel like marrying you_ tomorrow_, and,_" his throat was suddenly dry, but he swallowed and went on, "_and get you everything you want. A big house with a white fence and shit like that, and like twelve mini you's and me's a-and…_"_

_He trailed off and Courtney suddenly cut him off with a kiss._

_When she pulled back, she was still wearing a bright smile. Duncan held his breath for what she was going to say, the reason she had silenced him._

"…and a golden retriever,_" she breathed._

"Huh?_" Duncan was taken aback._

"My favorite dog_," she said. "_It's not a house without one._"_

_Duncan looked at her for a while. Her words poked fun at him, but the line of tears on her eyes and the soft tone she was speaking in prevented him from taking offense. Even though it wasn't what he had expected, he felt the corners of his lips tug upwards, and couldn't help but laugh along with her. He then closed the distance between them in a second kiss._

"I love you too,_" Courtney whispered softly against his lips._

* * *

Duncan had never seen, and never thought he would see, Courtney accept somebody's advances so quickly.

Was Alejandro's apparent Latin charm _that_ strong? Or was it because ofDuncan himself, because of what he had done, that she was so fast to jump into another's arms? Was she trying to make him jealous? Or maybe to move on as fast as she could?

It was true that he was rather far away, plus it could have been his own interests making him see what he wanted to see, but if you asked him, the sultry look Courtney's eyes gave Alejandro as they fed each other chocolate cookies had nothing on the way they used to come alive when she looked at _him_.

The punk then heard an inhumanly loud burp behind him, and he was reminded that he was not alone in economy class, and that he had spent too long with his head poking out staring at his ex-girlfriend. It was getting to the point where he could no longer claim he was merely supervising the unfolding of his plan.

He turned right around and stuck his hands in his pockets as he strutted to his seat.

"Well," he sighed loudly. "I never knew my ex was such a slut."

Tyler shot his back a dirty look. "It's called healing, asshole."

Duncan halted. His temper flare as he whipped around to glower the other boy. "What did I tell you about talking to me that way?" He didn't give the boy a chance to answer as he gathered the shirt of his collar and raised him from his seat. He was secretly thankful he was allowing him to push all of his previous thought to the back of his mind. "Stop acting like you have a right to talk like that to me—_'cause you don't_."

His eyes delivered a clear message to Tyler: _This was it_, he thought. _The end of the way_.

Owen chuckled nervously. "Uh, he didn't mean what he said, Duncan, right?" he intervened from his corner. "You didn't mean to call him _an asshole_, did you Tyler?"

The other two stared at each other, Duncan waiting for the jock to confirm the blonde's words.

_I mean everything I say_, Tyler thought about saying. The question was, how much did he value his life?

Fortunately, he didn't have to make that decision, because in that moment, Alejandro walked back into the compartment, and chuckled at the scene before him.

"_Amigos_, what are we fighting about? This is a moment to celebrate."

Duncan crooked his head towards him. "Celebrate what?"

"Our plan is working to perfection," the Latino said slyly. "She's buying it."

"Awesome," replied Duncan emotionlessly.

Alejandro seemed to consider something in his head. "I must say Duncan, I'm at a loss as to why you decided to… _end_ it with such a sweet lady."

Duncan raised a surprised half eyebrow, and he set the hovering Tyler aside for the second time this week.

"Dude. You trust that chick, it'll be the last thing you do," he said honestly, but then he thought of how much fun it would be to see the proud ladies' man reduced to mush at Courtney's hand. Thankfully, Alejandro didn't seem to take his warnings seriously.

"Anyway, later dudes," he said as he walked in direction to the door. "I've got stuff to do." But in reality he just wanted to walk. A low-class, crammy plane compartment got claustrophobic after a while. He only hoped he wouldn't find Courtney in the halls, but he was willing to bet she was doing quality-slash-strategy time with the other Amazons.

It was in this solitary setting that Duncan got to thinking about the irony of his current predicament. In his dream, he did not want Courtney and Alejandro together, and tried with all his might to keep them apart. In his waking life, he pushed them together.

He tried to swallow the heavy feeling in his stomach.

But, as he rationalized a second later, he was on the right path. He still wanted his revenge.

As he walked the hallways, Duncan had a vague idea that people passed him by and gave him dirty looks, yet they were all shadows with no faces to him. But in one occasion, one of the shadows stopped when they saw him.

"Hi."

Duncan did a double-take. "Oh, hey," he said as warmly as he could. He had almost passed by Gwen as he passed everyone else.

He slung an arm around her shoulders. "How are you?"

As he listened to his sort-of new girlfriend talk, Duncan almost felt guilty. He hadn't meant to _use_ his friend Gwen. She had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

The girl under his arm was… a break, of sorts, to him.

That wasn't to say he was deceiving her or anything. He had even said it to her face and she hadn't even minded. He had looked at her straight in the eyes after she suggested they just went with the flow in their relationship, and internally chuckled in relief because finally! _somebody_ who saw things his way, and then he had said it,

"_See? That there is why I like you._"

That is why I like you. Because you make is to so easy on me. Becuase you make yourself so easy to use. Because you are, out of your own will, saying the words I wish Courtney would say to me. Because you're giving me everything she never will.

…What he felt for Courtney was trickier.

One of the things that constantly amazed him was how not a moment of silence could go by between them when they were together in a room. No matter how much they both tried to hold back, no matter what they were doing and no matter what situation their relationship was in, one of them would always say something and they would end up fighting.

That was the pump, the sheer energy, that was distinctive of their relationship. It was distinctive of Courtney herself, and apparently, distinctive of Duncan too, as he had discovered when Courtney gave him the right environment to react.

It was viciously addictive, and the reason Duncan found himself going back to her every time.

But it was also the reason that would send him packing in the end, running desperately in the opossite direction and praying that she wouldn't find him.

He knew no one would ever make him feel what he felt with Courtney.

And couldn't have been gladder that it was that way.

* * *

Short-ish, I know, but next chapter… Well I _want_ to tell you what happens next chapter… but I won't. ^^

_~The Lighthouse_


	9. Part IX: Collision

Ohmygod, I'm sorry I've been dead for so long :#. I started school, you see. …That should tell you everything ¬¬. Before anything else, I should tell you that **the next chapter will be up TOMORROW**. I cut it in half only because it was getting too long.

MusicLuver78901: Now, don't get angry… that guy was just born a bitch ¬¬, he probably can't even help it *Courtney-speak*. I wanna see those things too D: that whole list you said. I'll try to add the things you asked me :) Glad you're enjoying it ^^ and I hope you like what's coming next.

sweetElisabeth: God, I wanna find out what happens too D: haha. Thank you so much for reviewing x)

TrueJackVP408: Hi, I think it's pretty safe you say you exploded a long time ago now :|

But sweetie, don't be naïve—it'll be years before the authorities accept Fanfiction deprival as a valid cause of death *shakes head* a shame really… Anyway, I hope your ghost enjoys this chapter.

But really now, thank you for what you said at the end. That seriously touched me :$

BelleDanseuse: Thank you, thank you, thank you! ^^ Enjoy the chappie!

honey-boo-skii: Where have I been? That's a great question 9-9 Duncan has feelings for Courtney, indeed- he just needs to grow up and realize it .. Thank you for reviewing, I hope you like this chapter :)

CarmillaD: Como siempre sos una ayuda invaluable para mí ya que me ponés en el lugar del lector, así que muchísimas gracias por eso 3. Eso es verdad, los personajes de anime no mueren ni aunque los agarre un meteorito, unos más que otros *coughcoughIchigoKurosakicough*. Está muy buena la imagen que me mandaste, tenés razón podría ser un retrato de la escena :) A mí la que más me llego es una que se llama "Not like the movies", ahora no la encuentro pero cuando la encuentre te la mando así la ves :P

Esa parte que te gustó es exactamente lo que pienso de DxG :/. Nunca me di cuenta lo mucho que me gusta escribir a Tyler; en el futuro voy a trabajar más con el :). En fin, espero que te guste este capítulo, ya estamos en el clímax de la historia, guarda :o.

I've always forgotten to credit Eminem's contribution to this story, not only the obvious _Love The Way You Lie_ reference of the title (which I listened to constantly while writing this btw), but also in his song _Kim_, which I listened to for this chapter and the first part of the previous chapter; in both parts, faithful listeners might recognize some lines from the song.

Okay, guys: I showed you how Courtney pictured confronting Duncan after his cheating, and I showed you how Duncan pictured making things right with Court.

Now I show you what **really** happened between those two.

* * *

**Part IX**

* * *

And then, at a given moment in the week, it happened.

Courtney walked into First Class, having been looking for Alejandro. Instead she had found Duncan on the opposite end of the room, standing by Owen and Tyler. Their eyes locked; the four fell quiet; and just like that, with no planning or intention, came to be the first time the two exes saw each other since the events that had led them to became exes.

For a few seconds, the world stood still. Not a noise passed in the room; no voices were heard from the other compartments; even the wind seemed to have stopped. Courtney and Duncan's eyes bore into one another. A solid bolt of sheer energy passed between the look they were giving each other.

At least it seemed so to Tyler and Owen, each at one side of Duncan, who could almost feel the remnants of that energy radiating off them, making their skin itch.

Then, the door that had been left to its own accord closed itself, creating an echo that somewhat relieved the tense atmosphere.

"Umm…," Tyler spoke. "I'm gonna… leave you two to talk," he excused himself lamely, and quickly walked to the door.

"Wait for me!" Owen said, running after him.

They passed each at one side of Courtney –and at a safe distance away from her- and sped up as they neared the door, opening it desperately and closing it with a thud that resounded loudly. From the hallway, they could hear how Tyler chided Owen for that.

For a while, Courtney and Duncan stared at each other in silence. Neither seemed to want to be the first to look away.

Finally, Duncan seemed to get bored with the setting and strayed away. Courtney watched him pick up an old magazine and browse uninterestedly through it. She hastily looked away, her temper already flaring up at his antics.

With her eyes on the wall, the brunette calmed herself and organized her thoughts, calling back all the things she wanted to throw in his face to make the most out of the unexpected situation. She focused on the things she knew she _should_ say, to hide the fact that she didn't know what she _wanted_ to say to him. If she were to say what she truly wanted to say, it would come out as a mix between slapping him around with a '_you're heartless and a cruel bastard for doing this to me!_', asking him in tears just _what_ was wrong with her for him to do this, and forcing herself into his arms saying '_take me, hold me in your arms, call me Princess again and never let me go_'.

Meanwhile, Duncan flipped the pages of his magazine, trying to contain the different feelings that were bubbling up his throat. For the first time in days, he could give free reign to all of his anger towards Courtney, and he planned to use that opportunity to its fullest.

Courtney looked back at him and folded her hands together. She cleared her throat and started, "O-okay Duncan, I'm of the opinion that we can't continue to ignore each o-"

"My, that's one hot get-up," he muttered to himself, as if he hadn't heard her.

Courtney looked down at the page he was watching. It featured a woman in a scanty set of purple lingerie. Courtney's jaw tightened. "Are you gonna make _her_ wear that?" She said, contempt in her voice when she referred to Gwen.

He looked up. "Maybe." His eyes bore into hers.

She glared back at him, arms folded.

Duncan went on. "Purple _is_ her favorite color, so…"

"I'm glad you have that covered," Courtney cut off.

A silence followed. Courtney was biting hard her lip, and she looked like she would blow up at any given moment.

"Yeah, well," Duncan babbled lazily. "It's those kinda things, you know, that one always…-"

"HOW COULD YOU!" Courtney suddenly screeched, and she saw him cringe. "Aww, I'm so sorry, Dunky. IS THAT TOO LOUD FOR YOU!"

"Well, I _would_ rather you didn't bust my eardrums" he said, picking at his right ear. Immediately, Courtney lost all sight of what she had planned to say.

"UGH! You are _still_ just the same annoying _bastard_ as always!" Her eyes flew dramatically to the ceiling. "What, just_ what_ did I ever see in you? A chimp would make a better boyfriend! At least _it_ would have more sense that to choose a gothic _tramp_ over m…-"

Duncan snapped to action at this. "Hey, _don't_ you talk about Gwen like that," he said warningly, standing up for the other girl partly because he felt it and partly because he knew it would hurt the girl in front of him.

"Oh!" Courtney widened her eyes and took her hands in front of her heart. "Oh! You defend her! How _sweet_! It's _so_ nice to know you're _so_ loyal to her!" This wasn't good. Shouting like this would only get her further from the direction she wanted to go, Courtney knew, but she couldn't help it. Why was it that now that she was finally facing him, she said not the things she had long planned she would tell him, but other things, ones that sprung in the heat of the moment?

What was there in him that made her act like this?

Meanwhile, Duncan's good mood had evaporated, as he was reminded of why he couldn't stand her chastising voice. It drilled on his ears in the exact same way it used to, _insistant, annoying, overpowering…_. "Let me tell you, Duncan, even in your worse times, I _never_ thought you capable of doing something like _this_. But once _again_, you surprise m…-"

"Get out."

"What?" she screeched.

"Get out!" He closed the distance between them in a few strides and began to push her towards the door. It took her a while to react to his forcefulness, but when she did, she planted her heels on the ground; and they stood there, struggling, halfway to the doorway, because he would never handle with his full strength so that she couldn't free herself if she put up a fight.

"I'm not gonna leave, Duncan!" she cried. He could tell she was upset at being stopped short, when she probably had so much to throw in his face. She sounded so energetic, while he sounded so tired of everything. "Just because _you_ don't feel like listening to what _you_'ve done-!"

"I don't wanna listen to you 'cause you're full of shit!"

"_I'm_ full of shit! You're so full of it you can't even see _above_ yourself!" She gasped once as she attempted to stand her ground, while he had a firm and effortless grip on her forearms.

He finally released his grip on her, pushing her aside. "Look, what will it take for you to shut up and leave me alone?"

"Tell me why you did it," she said resolutely.

Duncan hesitated. "Why don't _you_ tell me?" He said, trying to buy some time.

"Me?"

"Yes, _you_," he confirmed, more assuredly. "You're asking me to tell you how it went down, but you already have the whole story figured out, don't you? Well, don't you?" He looked at her and her eyes briefly darted off to the side. _She so did_. "So go ahead, _tell me_ why I did it."

Courtney stared at him for a while, trying to figure out his true intentions. For a split moment, Duncan had the irrational fear that, just like in his dream, she would look into his eyes and see all the truth she needed there, out in the open.

But this was reality, and a second later she straightened her back and said "Okay." And shooting him a disdainful look from under her lashes, "You where there, so was she." A significant shrug. "You were bored. She _always_ had a thing for you," she narrowed her eyes. "And you don't give a fuck, about anything… That's how it happened." It was a grave understatement of all the theories she had tossed back and forth in her head, but she didn't feel safe enough to let him know how much she had thought about it.

Duncan adopted a thinking position and tried to suppress a grin. "Mmh… yeah…, that could be just right."

Courtney could have gone up in flames right then and there. He wasn't going to give her a straight answer, was he? She was itching to say something, anything, to force him to say something real, but she had the nagging feeling that he intended to keep her guessing.

"So what, were you expecting me never to find out?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Yeah, kinda."

"That's bullshit!" she exploded. "You _wanted_ me to find out, you did it on the very same plane because you _wanted_ me to find out!"

Duncan laughed a big, humorless laugh at this. "See? You already know everything, why're you asking me for?"

Courtney felt a tightness in her throat. _He was actually laughing about this_.

She saw him turn his back on her and could no longer restrain herself. The words poured out like a tide out of her mouth.

"I. _can't. freaking, believe you_! How can you be such an irresponsible jerk! Duncan I'm talking to you! The least you can do after everything you've put me through is _face me_! _Duncan_!"

* * *

"Goddamnit," Tyler announced as he closed the door behind him, causing Owen and Alejandro to look up. "Couples _fight_, I get that," he said as he sat next to them. "But this is just another level of… crap-dom, you know?"

He had been walking past Economy class, without noticing the door was semi-closed. When he passed in front of the crack, a wave of screams had struck him right in the ear, momentarily deafening him.

"What couple?" Sierra asked as she came into the room. Passing by the light switch, she turned it on, because it was almost dusk and it was beginning to get dark.

"Duncan and Courtney," Tyler answered.

The purple-haired girl took a hand to her mouth. "Oh, gosh. They found each other?"

"Yep," Tyler responded, and looking out of the window, "I think it's going to rain."

A moment of silence, which Owen then broke with a quiet, "Where do you guys think _Gwen_ is?"

Sierra narrowed her eyes hatefully. "Crawled under a rock, most likely."

"She's locked in the bathroom," informed Cody, with a worried look on his face as he also joined the group. "So to speak. The lock's still busted."

"And to think," said Tyler. "It all started with a busted lock."

"It did?" Alejandro asked him, not missing a beat. "You never did tell us how the affair actually happened. Why don't you relate the story?"

But Tyler was saved from the situation because in that moment, the loud distinctive sound of glass shattering came from the room in question. All the present looked up in alarm.

"What the hell was _that_?"

"Oh no," the Latino's skin uncharacteristically blanched. "My heirloom glass bowl my mother sent me."

* * *

Duncan looked at the smashed glass _whatever_ against the wall, which would have comfortably crashed against his head had he not ducked in the last second.

He turned to Courtney with widened eyes. "Congratulations," he said, clearly shaken up. "You _convinced_ me that you are a sociopath."

"Well _great_!" she cried. "Maybe _now _I'll get you to listen to me!"

"GOD!" Duncan shouted. "I'm so freakin' TIRED of you all up in my face!"

"Well I'm tired of YOU TOO, YOU KNOW!"

"Well then why are you HERE!"

"Because I want you to give me an answer!" the brunette exploded. "A _real_ answer!"

"You don't deserve one!" Duncan finally yelled, faster than he could decide whether he meant it or not. "Okay! You don't even deserve _that much_!"

Courtney closed her open mouth, forgetting what she had meant to say a second ago. "I don't _deserve_ one?" she echoed, her eyes narrowing but her heart quickening. "You break us _up_ and I don't even deserve to know _why_?"

She watched him intently, waiting for the punch line, but his mouth was a firm line and his eyes were defiant; he had said all he had to say, and had meant it all.

Before she could deflect the attack, her chest constricted with the possibility that he really did think she was that worthless.

Courtney wasn't one to get affected by hurtful words. If the same words had been spoken by any other person, she wouldn't have even considered them before she brushed them off and went on with her life. No, it was not the words; it was the fact that they came from _him_ that made it so unbearable.

Her mind stumped, her ears buzzing, she opened her mouth as if to yell something else at him, but she didn't know what to say, and a violent sob came out instead.

Her whole face flushed and she immediately put her fist over her mouth, mortified. She whipped away from his sight, and for the hundredth time –and perhaps more furiously than ever- she cursed the power the boy held over her.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw him turning away from her, and she filled with resentment. _He was going to just stand and do nothing_. Clearly it wasn't enough for him to have pushed her towards the edge, to the point where she was biting and clawing just to keep herself together; now he entertained himself pushing her off completely, doing everything in his power to force her to cry in front of him.

Meanwhile, Duncan was wondering why his body had snapped to a different side as soon as he had seen tears come out of her eyes.

Why was it so unbearable for him to see her cry that he had to look away? He had been saying things he didn't even remotely mean for about half the night now, he could do for a few more minutes. Just until she went away –convinced that he hated her guts- out of his life forever.

_Please stop crying_.

He could feel himself softening. Before, her own strength had been keeping him cruel, convincing him that she could take it; but now she was breaking down, and the stifled, tiny voice of what once was his conscience was making itself heard in the back of his mind again.

But then, "I wasted a year of my life with you," Courtney said, and her voice was again steady, if remarkably more venomous.

He solidified.

"I should thank you for doing all of this," she continued. "because… in doing this, you've set me free. And after you, my life can only get better. I'm _glad_ this happened. I'm glad you chose another _victim_. And you know what else?"

She stopped. He finally turned to face her.

She still had those tears in her eyes, but they seemed irrelevant; they were there, but they didn't reflect her state of being, not anymore. She looked like the calm of the destruction after the storm, and the morning after the biggest fight of their lives.

"What?" he ceded.

"She won't last anywhere near as much as me."

He shuffled.

"Right back at ya."

She raised an eyebrow. He couldn't tell if she was offended or disbelieving.

Nothing was said for a few seconds, and then Courtney turned on her heel and walked towards the door. Duncan turned around at the same time, looking out of the small window and pretending he saw something in the somber-looking sky.

With her hand on the open door, Courtney paused, and looked back at the boy she was leaving behind.

"Oh," she said. "And you're a pathetic excuse for a human being if that was really your reason."

A pause. Then,

"And you're the psychotic bitch you always were."

He had taken so long to mutter back his response that he wasn't sure if she had heard him before she exited the room. He got his answer a few seconds later, when he heard the door close again.

A silence, that made him doubt whether it was truly her that had received his words, or someone else; and then,

"I didn't change, Duncan. You changed," Courtney said quietly, as if trying to fit one last rebuttal inconspicuously, in order to get the last word without rekindling the fight. She wanted to leave –she was dying to leave, she was way too tired, and way too sick of him- but her personality wouldn't let her pass up the obvious affront.

"I didn't _change_," said Duncan, who would die before he let her have the last word. "You just have no clue as to who I am. Not really."

"Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?" Courtney glared at him from across the room, her hips finding their way to her hips. She couldn't help it; she was getting deeper into the argument.

He hesitated for a split second, before turning around fully. "I'm talking about how you always tried to change me. Always more worried about what everybody _else_ thought. Always looking over your shoulder whenever we were out together." He had hesitated because honesty was a dangerous territory.

But as for Courtney, the words represented something else entirely.

"Don't you _dare_ try to turn this on me!" she seethed, stomping towards him. Her plans had taken a 180º turn, from _get away as soon as you can _all the way to _stick around and fight with all you've got_. "It was you who did this to us! It was you! You did it! It's-"

"No, I'm sorry, I totally forgot," he rolled his eyes. "You're a perfect little angel who can _do_ no wrong."

"-your fault! And don't you dare start sounding self-righteous! _Nothing_… is an excuse to what _you_ did!"

Duncan raised his voice to be heard over her frenetic attack. "A little angel who, strangely enough, spent all her time making me go through HELL!"

"_Oh, really!_"

Their faces were flushed as they looked at each other with more anger than they ever had before. As the screams rose in volume, making their ears buzz and their throats ache, the feeling in the back of their minds was the same.

The real fight had started when Courtney had closed the door.

* * *

Don't forget to check tomorrow for Part X. :)

_~The Lighthouse_


	10. Part X

As promised :)

(CarmillaD: Lo encontre, mirá: http:/ guitarnrd362. deviantart. com/art/RQ-Not-Like-the-Movies-185972659?moodonly=86)

* * *

_Well maybe there's a God above but_

_all I ever learned from love_

_Is how to shoot somebody_

_who outdrew you_

_-Hallelujah, Leonard Cohen_

* * *

Courtney put her hands over her heart in a mocking fashion. "Oh, but please, _please_ tell me- what was it, Duncan? Too much _intimacy_? Too much commitment that comes with the normal relationship? The _weight_ of having someone cares proved too much for your _badass_ need for freedom!"

Duncan glowered down at her, "Oh, don't try to play the good guy. Don't you get it yet? You can't play that goody-goody act with _me_. I've got you figured out!"

"You don't know the first thing about me!" she shouted back proudly. "A _whole year_, and you don't know the first thing about-!"

"I know enough," he cut her off hotly. "to know you're just mad 'cause I made you look _ridiculous_. You're not even heartbroken, you're just embarrassed."

Courtney seethed. "Who do you think you are to talk to me like that? WHO do you think you ARE?"

"-Selfish, conceited, crazy-ass bitch, willing to screw everyone over just to get what you want!"

"You with your LAME bad boy antics! YOU and your worthless little PROBLEMS!"

"-Pathetic."

"-who never even LISTENED! Or TRIED to-"

"Course not! If I'd listened to _a word_ you said in this entire year, I'd be just as fucked up as _YOU_!"

Anger.

Anger, like a blanket that fell over both, erased their faces and made them both into plain monsters.

The screams got louder by the second, hit against the walls and was returned to them. Their voices mingled with and tried to outdo one another, it no longer being important what they said, but saying it louder than the other.

It was the same in all their fights. It almost left the feeling that the insults dropped by both of them without a second thought weren't even meant for each other, but for whoever might be looking on to stop and stare in bafflement at the things they said to each other.

They themselves only got to hear what they had said much later, when they played over the fight in their heads, and regret flooded them.

But this time was different, of course. Whatever hurtful thing was said, was said with the full intention of hurting.

* * *

_Revenge, at first though sweet, Bitter ere long back on itself recoils._

_-John Milton_

* * *

Courtney was used to the yelling. She had a long history of ending up shouting at Duncan when a fight arose.

What got her to yelling was that he would always just shut off and not say anything when things got ugly. He would turn his back on her and become an impenetrable wall, that every chide bounced off of. So Courtney would raise her voice even higher, because she couldn't stand the way he ignored the situation and her, and of course it never solved anything, but she couldn't help it herself- she could never quite catch herself.

Of course, this was not a moment to catch herself; neither of them were catching themselves at the time. She yelled on.

And Duncan yelled back.

Until now, his revenge on Courtney had been sneaky. He had cheated on her behind her back, and then consistently avoided her, effectively letting Gwen herself take the worst part.

His ultimate proof to himself that he was not afraid, that he didn't care, that he was above her, would be to stand up to her when she came pounding on his door. Nothing he had done in the past days was worth it if he couldn't stand his ground when she was actually present.

He, too, yelled on.

* * *

_Anger is a brief madness._

–_Horace_

* * *

It was a strike of lightning that did it. They had been so caught up in the fight that neither had noticed it had started to rain. The roll of thunder followed soon after, but not before the lightning died and left them in complete darkness, for night had finally fallen on the plane and none of them had thought to turn on a light.

Duncan's nostrils flared and, seemingly deciding their proximity was too close, roughly pushed Courtney back before he told her, "You make me sick."

In the midst of the chaos, neither of the two realized the same words had been spoken before. To their credit, the tone used this time around was different enough to be unrecognizable.

"I'm sick of your face… I'm sick of your voice… I'm sick of everything about you, I'm sick of _you_."

Courtney's chin tilted up, because his words were painful, yes- but this time she was ready. "And if I was such a _torture_, then why did it take you so _long_ to leave me?" she said sarcastically, her features illuminated by a second powerful lightning strike.

It was strange to observe how this was the same girl who had been crying at his words minutes ago. It was scary, how she picked up abilities that fast. She only needed to be hurt once to become immune to it; only needed one stone thrown at her to use it as a stepping stone and make herself taller. She had always been that way. It was a given; if he had made her cry once, he would never again.

"Better yet, why did you do it this way?" she went on cheerfully. "Why sneak of behind my back? Why not instead break up with me properly? I'm starting to think you're not man enough to go to my face with it!"

Thunder roared again, but that was not the reason Duncan's heart suddenly dropped.

That right there—that thing she had just said. To her it was just another insult, but to him, she had hit jackpot. It didn't matter- he wasn't about to let her know what she said had affected him.

But something was different. The comment had produced in him the same wave of raw rage as any others that had been uttered in the night; but instead of prompting him into flinging an equally hurtful thing, it clamped his jaw shut.

And then it simply… happened.

Courtney went on ranting, and Duncan was left standing there, with his mouth shut.

When he grasped the situation, what first came to him was panic. He was right where he didn't want to be. Back in the old times, back when he didn't know better and let her chide him into submission; back to the first day he returned to the plane, as she scolded him and he was much too aware of what he looked like to everyone; back to before his plans, before everything he had done to make sure he wouldn't be in this place anymore.

The determination is what came right after. This was just a setback. He _would_ get back on the fight— he just had to open his damn mouth.

As he stared at her, the resentment wasn't at all forced in his face, like it might have been once. _Who was this woman_ to make him into something he hated so much? He loathed her in that moment— she was a danger to everything he was.

"-who never even LISTENED or did his part to help the relationship! Who flunked OUT whenever conflict came about! Tell me something- exactly WHAT did you expect to happen after this whole circus, huh? What were you expecting? Really Duncan, help me understand, 'cause I sure as HELL don't see what the big IDEA was!"

Time seemed to go in slow motion while Duncan watched the scene happen as if he wasn't part of it. Courtney up in his face. His lips closed shut. An extremely puny boy being chewed up by a stronger female.

He could barely register what she was saying anymore. He couldn't make sense out of the words. But it was still overpowering. It came into scene and left no place for anything else. His thoughts, the rain, _everything_.

And Duncan was starting to lose his temper.

What had happened to cruel Duncan, the one that had taken over most of the night? The one who controlled Courtney, who had the upper hand for a change? Why couldn't that _man_ unstick his lips right now?

_Weak_. His own thoughts tormented him, with the same hard, relentless voice he used to make fun of the people he made fun of.

_Coward_.

_Be a man, stand up to her_.

She got closer, maybe without realizing it, and he was deeply upset with himself when automatically he turned away from her. Turned to the window.

_A real man would snap her like a twig_.

The window. _Concentrate on the sky. The rain,_ he told himself, trying desperately to form words in his mind. He focused on the sound of water that was distracting, hoping to come up with more things to shout at her, but her voice didn't let him think. _Just think of another insult. Just one more_. He didn't want to admit that he was done. That she had won.

_A real man would…_

Images rolled in front of his eyes. The tape from Action, the beginning of his decay. Courtney's father picking the wrong vegetables. His whole life… constantly trying to be tougher than he really was, and succeeding, only to come to this moment and prove how weak he really was inside. He had power over _nothing_.

_Damn her_. She completely _controlled_ him. She controlled his every function, every last fiber of his being. And she probably _knew_ it.

"Are you even listening, Duncan! Why'd you keep turning your back on me! You always, always do this- close off when it's convenient to you!" Courtney was at the point of tearing her hair out; he had remained unresponsive for a solid five minutes now and, as always, she couldn't seem to hold back her tongue. Her hands twisted and untwisted, and her voice was choked as if she would cry, but she only kept yelling.

"You ALWAYS did it, even when we still thought we could salvage this- this twisted frustrating fucked-up _THING _between us!" She took a jagged breath. _She was talking to a wall_. "Don't just stand there! ANSWER ME! At least have the decency to own up to what you've done, you big coward! Be a MAN and FACE me!" Her erratic hands suddenly balled up, and had no better idea than to strike his back, and the moment they did, something inside Duncan snapped.

_No. Not hitting. The physical is mine. __**Mine**__._

It happened in under a second. He whipped around as if possessed by someone else. With his back to the window, and with them never having turned a light on in the darkening room, Courtney didn't take notice of the expression of his face. She had kept on ranting, her voice still creating noise and distress for Duncan, and for that reason, it made perfect sense to him when his hands went straight to her throat.

Her voice cut off suddenly with a short, sick-sounding _scritch_, not having had even an intake of breath before he restricted her air supply. Instincts of survival kicking in, her hands flew up to his and pulled at his hold. Duncan wasn't himself as he drove her, firmly and unyieldingly, to the nearest wall –which turned out to be the one that led to the hallway.

He saw everything distorted, like a bad movie watched late in the night that you only half-remembered the next day. Courtney's face was illuminated by a patch of moonlight, and her features, tilted upwards from the way he was gripping her neck, looked twisted like she had a bad signal.

Her feet kicked and her knees rose and dropped in scattered movements, her mind too disperse to think of taking a shot at him. Her hands alternatively pulled at his or reached out, nails instinctively digging in whatever flesh she could find, but it was like needles on elephant skin to Duncan—he just didn't care.

He just kept his grip, and in retrospect, the only thing he was feeling was a small sense of victory, and something that felt like peace, but wasn't, because it couldn't be, because the moment was too violent to be attributed such a quality. But the fact remained that was stuck out to Duncan the most was the silence.

The precious, _precious silence_.

Courtney's erratic gasps were the only sound in the room, and to Duncan, it was heaven. Because for once and for all_… she was quiet_. She was quiet and not a threat to him.

At last, he had found a way to shut her up. It hadn't been so hard after all, had it?

Courtney kept struggling, but he only pressed his hands tighter; showing her there was no escape.

Here was to every time she had attempted to overrule him. Here was to every occasion she had tried to undermine him. Here was to every unnecessary embarrassment and every time she had forced him into silence. Now he was shutting _her_ up, once and forever.

Hours may have gone by, or minutes, or very slow and dragging seconds. All Duncan knew was that he didn't lessen his hold, and Courtney was getting tired.

She had struggled- and the way she was, she would have struggled forever if she'd had her way; but the lack of oxygen was taking its toll on her. First, her legs' movements were no longer so vigorous, and grew slow and heavy; then her gasps for breath stopped being so ragged, and descended consistently, until they ceased to be heard.

Slowly, ever so slowly, she stopped fighting.

Still Duncan held her in place, watching how her hands were still over his but opposing no resistance and, from what he could see in his distorted view and less than favorable state, her eyes were staring unfocused into space.

Duncan felt more strongly than ever the culmination of his revenge. _Here's payback. Here's for you to see what I can do to you._

_I, too, can make you __**nothing**__._

* * *

"_Duncan marveled at how not a moment of silence could go by between them when they were together in a room."_

_-Part VIII_

* * *

Duncan looked at Courtney's moonlight-tinted features, at her stagnant arms, and her eyes, staring up at nothing, as motionless as the rest of her.

_Dead._

The lone word shot through Duncan's brain swiftly, and something similar to the snap of a rubber band went off in his head.

His arms felt limp at the same time he all but jumped back, and watched the woman he had been keeping a hold on plop down on the floor like a lifeless doll, her face escaping the patch of moonlight that had been keeping it illuminated and sinking into the shadows.

Duncan breathed heavily, but his heart rate didn't have time to return to normal before it sunk to his feet as the realization caught up with him. A cold fear struck him and expanded through his body, leaving place for nothing else.

He stared straight at the spot where she had disappeared—only stared, because he didn't dare to do anything else.

"Courtney?"

His voice sounded strange to his own ears. It echoed in the darkness and was returned to him, reinforcing the illusion that he was alone in the room, and feeding the fear that _she wasn't answering because she would never answer anything ever again_.

Complete silence. Free from the noise that had previously cluttered his head, he had no choice but to see the truth.

…_No_.

_No_.

The fear rooted him to the ground. He refused to see the truth.

"Courtney?"

His voice broke this time.

The silence tortured him. _Oh God, please **no**_.

And then, a heavenly sound. Courtney coughed once, and it felt like music to Duncan.

Immediately his muscles regained the sense of motion. He shot forward, falling on his knees in front of where she was, and gently pulled her up into the light so he could see her face. She was starting to breathe again.

"Breathe… breathe," he urged her softly, careful not to obstruct any breathing channels as he held her as lightly as he could, one hand pushing back her hair that had fallen on her face.

Her eyes were staring into the distance; she was probably in shock. She felt so fragile beneath him that it nearly broke his heart all over again.

"Courtney…" It wasn't a call, it was a statement, as if he was reassuring himself that she was indeed there, and breathing, and that caused him relief. And maybe because of the relief, his eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry," he said in a choked voice, and after the words rang true to his ears, and he experienced a small release saying them, he repeated them over and over again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…" He inched forwards and touched his temple to her; yearning for closeness, when a few seconds ago he had wanted her as far away as possible. It was as if a blanket of despair had covered the scene the moment he realized what he almost done. "Princess…"

For a moment there, he had thought of a world without her, and that prospect was enough to bring any other sense to a stop.

"I'm sorry… please- forgive me… I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"

And he insisted because she remained unresponsive. That scared him to death, for reasons entirely different than before.

Courtney's hands–he had just noticed- rested on his shoulders, and 'rested' was the only word for it; he had had his arms around her for awhile, and they had not once flexed to attempt to push him away. Here he was, hugging her after what he had done and she _was not fighting him_.

She was just letting herself be hugged, and that scared him in new and unthinkable ways. She was just... there.

And suddenly in the midst of chaos, Duncan had a moment of clarity. As much as he loved this girl, he also wanted to break her. Everything he did, from the first day he had called her an _uptight princess_, was out to break her, to strip her of what made her _her_, and turn her into something else.

She had always fought him. She repelled him and she berated him and when he came into her space, she shoved him back. Now, she wasn't fighting. Because now, he had finally broken her.

And it killed him.

The tears filled his eyes again. "So sorry. I'm so sorry. Please…. I love you."

Her own fall would bring him down.

"I love you… I…-"

"Duncan."

Her voice sounded raspy. God, _her voice sounded raspy_.

The motion seemed to have returned to her, as she pushed on his chest weakly. He didn't want to pull away; he _couldn't_ pull away. But, nevertheless, he obliged.

Her eyes set on him, and he immediately flushed with shame. He didn't make an effort to hide the fact that he was crying. Her own eyes were dry; he had probably scared her into silence.

"…love you," he finished.

Courtney stared deep into his eyes, as if she was seeing the very ruins of their relationship. Her lips parted open, and for a second, Duncan thought she was going to say it back.

"How…" she said. "how did we come to this?"

* * *

*pokes her head out from hiding place* I am so, SO hesitant about posting this. That was my first almost-tragedy. Please don't judge me (_do_ speak your mind). But, I mean, the song that gave name to the story deals with domestic violence (has a strong connotation), so maybe you guys saw this coming… or, you know, not. Err…

…

_~The Lighthouse_


End file.
